sweet rhododendron
your leaves hang like drooping eyelids
gaseous tears
oxygen seeps out
i live because you weep

Shackled, and chained.
Yet,
I’ve never felt so free.
You’ve awakened this primal instinct in me.

Burned, and bruised.
Tormented, and used.
I'm yours to abuse.

I kneel,
At your feet,
Waiting for command.
Waiting for the slightest gesture granted from your hand.

I look down.
My hands in lap.
l am at your will,
Waiting for your finger’s snap.

With hair pulled back--
Gathered in your hands.

And cheeks warm--
Caressed by your voice.

Lips are wet--
Touched by yours.

Cleaning, and cooking.
Almost every day.
Folding, and preparing.
Doing whatever you say.

I'm yours;
I'm branded with your name.
I'm bonded to you,
No matter what,
And I stand unashamed.

I don't know what's wrong with me
I am stuck in this storm of thoughts
I am drowning in pain and fear
I can't stand to look at your face
Or hear your voice
It hurts me to look at your picture
Even after six years
You are still on my mind every single day
But why did you have to leave me?

- 12/03/19

These bathroom tiles are frigid under my toes.
The soles of my feet stiff, lifting off of the hostile ground.
My toes curl as I let go and fall to the unforgiving floor.
I’m falling, falling so fast that I almost hit the surface.
Then your humble fingers lace with mine.

waiting
today
tomorrow

too FAT too SHORT too WITHDRAWN
too THIN too DUMB too SMART
too OLD too WEAK too GOTH
too QUEER too PARANOID too PREPPY

they judge, they mock, they laugh, they jest.
a game they play, all fun and games.
Who cares what they say, why should i listen
the taunts of the others, out for their own.

I don't care, I refuse to see
They will never get to me.. and yet..

Tune it out, look away, doesn't make it end.
no harm intended, death resulted.

Their words have no conviction, no meaning.
This I know, this I believe, but then tell me why..

Why I cannot stop reading the writing on the walls?

too TALL too GROSS too UGLY
too NERDY too SMELLY too CREEPY
too SLOW too HYPER too SENSITIVE

They point, they mock, they regret, they don't care.
Today, tomorrow, last night and before.
They vandalize the air with words they don't intend.

I don't care, I refuse to see
They will never get to me.. and yet..

I walk away, talk to me back
Put you behind me, i cannot hear.

Your words are mute, they matter not.
This I know, this I believe, but then tell me why..

Why I cannot stop reading the writing on the walls?
And why don't they put down the pen?

Too cruel Too harsh Too unprovoked
Too Jealous Too abused Too angry
Too Beaten Too unheard Too unloved

They've been there, they try to cope.
Lashing out instead of lashing in.
Fighting for the chance they never got.

This I know, this I believe.
I don't care, I refuse to see
They will never get to me... and yet..

Tell me why, even knowing this,
why can I not stop reading the writing on the walls?