I am sinking again
I am scared of the monsters
And their weight on the bed
The way they curl around me
Trail fingers over my skin
Leave tar black oil in their wake
And still make me shiver
I can feel their kisses on my spine
Each one a glancing dagger wound
And still I arch my back for them
Their tongues are on the inside of my thighs
Teeth bruising and sharp at my skin
They are making a wound out of me
In the dark I am toyed with
By the curling malice of them
Sleeping with my sorrows
******* all my fears
I beg to be destroyed
Just once more

I ask him why he likes me so much
He smiles, and says 'you are so delicate,
Like baby birds' hollow bones'
Sugar sweet words, overripe
What I hear him say is:
'I have never loved anything I did not want to destroy'
And he does
Oh he does

Lady I don’t know barges into my stall at the nightclub toilets
She looks at me with a grim smile that’s trying to split her face in two
Before I can stumble she grabs my arm, looks at me with eyes
Rolling and rioting inside their sockets and says
Don’t forget
With her nodding frantically I ask what I am forgetting
And she shakes me and points at the neon fluorescent humming on the ceiling
The sun she says she says the SUN we have forgotten it
I give her my palms and say lady I don’t know you
She is already laughing
It’s a laugh that sounds like the splintering of bones
Like dragging a sharp knife across a rotting ribcage
A laugh you know is a precursor to wild and empty weeping
The light flickers and I notice that it does look like the sun
A bit, from this angle, from where my head is pressed under the heavy weight
Of the whites of the lady’s eyes
Another stall door opens, whispering across the ground and taking her smoke-thin body with it
But all I see is the sun, flickering like the beating of wings and I want to touch it so bad that I am burning
Truly burning, ignited on the promise of remembrance
There is a name I have forgotten and I know I will hold it again if only my fingers could stretch to touch the light
The girl that exited the stall puts her arm on my shoulder to move me away from the sink
And I fall into wakefulness, coughing and spluttering ash all over my bed
I see I have left a single candle burning by accident
There are dead moths everywhere

When Eve plucked golden apple
From supple branch
Her lip curled in sly smile
As Adam looked on, fearful
Teeth rending forbidden fruit
Tasting like wrath and every secret God had ever kept
When those juices dribbled from her chin
Turning to blood beneath her forked tongue
She knew she could set Eden to blaze
Leave smouldering ash where beauty once dwelt
Snake winding up her thigh
Tongue slipping to taste hellfire
Every story ends with her
With woman
With a smile that torches the world

Morpheus sets the world to slumber
And steps lightly between dreams
With twine of gold and heavy thunder
He weaves his sleeping schemes
Unmaker! Unmaker!
He takes the nightmare
And spins his tangled web
A heavy cloud is seeping despair
Turning sweetdream into lead
Liar! Liar!
The sleep rebelling
Shaking cobwebs from the mind
Rising slow with dream dispelling
And Morpheus is blind
Iris! Iris!
The rainbow beckons
Against languid drooping head
Sunlight is the fiercest weapon
From slow Morpheus’ dread
Somnus! Somnus!
To bring the father
Leash your changeling son
He obliged, or would’ve, rather
The twisted web had come undone
Coward! Coward!
Does Morpheus hide
In shadows grey and black
Cursed again to now reside
In the tiny twilight crack

I have stopped with the poems
That liken me to natural disasters
No more hurricanes named after my two syllable tongue
No more tsunamis, destroying every island I found in a person
I don’t want to be a cataclysmic event anymore
No more doomsday’s or end times
Hellfire held in these lips, no
I am trying to become sunlight
To weave it around me like a great gold cloak
To walk in between the sunbeams and learn from them
How to step lightly into others lives
Leaving the place before slightly more illuminated
I am learning from the moon her heavy slink
The drowsy hug of her light and I am taking
All that nights darkness and weaving a glittering blanket
To lay over my loved ones that they may sleep peaceful
Knowing only the kiss of me and my stars
And not fearing the dark or the dawn or what the angry earth could bring them
I have pushed away all apocalypse inside me
Drank of ambrosia and nectar that the heavens guzzle
And made myself the smooth waltz of homeliness
Comfort resting on my two syllable tongue
Washing tides of peace on every island I see  
I am dancing in the solar flares and letting the atom bomb inside me
Erupt into stardust
A wish in every fragment
For my molten blood to quiet and cool,
The rumbling earth of my heart to still,
For sunlight in the fallout that does not burn,
For a new kind of calm, one that heralds no storms

I stumble, unsteady
Into wakefullness
Feeling charged as a dream
The sunlight pouring in the window
Illuminates my glowing body
Humming with potential
This languid and blissful
Half asleep state, holds me
In a whisper, in a memory
I have two hands of power here :
In one, Promise.
And the other, Hope.
I am a king

Buzz cut boy with the ****** knuckles
You've got war dripping from your lips when you smile
Acid tongue that splits skin every time you use your voice like a whip
All that anger in your eyes could start fires
You’d burn the world down if you could
My heart like your pillow, to bite, to punch, to scream all your fury into
If I close my eyes I can feel you curled around me
Creature of my euphoria dreams
And my nightly trembling
I think you will always be my vengeful ghost

‪*We fall down the rabbit hole and find Alice, with her empty prescription bottle and a shot glass, the white-eared waistcoat timekeeper shakes in the corner and screams ‘we’re late’ ‬
‪Alice is dead Alice is dead Alice is dead

I take all the wolf from my smile,
spin her back into sheep
let flowers grow from the cotton of her body
and revel in the softness of snarl
I have been killing chickens in my sleep,
sneaking out and slashing tyres
there is a breadcrumb trail of bones
leading to my closet, and i won't open it
i'm not brave enough for the mirror my monsters are,
i can still taste the marrow on my tongue
but i promise i've been brushing my teeth
drinking rose water and smiling
trying to sand off all my edges
forget the taste of anger and violence
and its hard when i've got foxgloves for kisses
all poison to taste, but they're pretty,
i tried stepping softly and felt the slip-shape
of prey back to predator, relearnt the padfoot
felt the great black dog inside me stir
had to rummage under the bed for the shotgun
put my cheek to it until she stopped her howling
i cried down the barrel for hours,
tied lace around my wrists and become jailor to my heart
**** her with kindness, but i couldn't, not quite,
all soft touch and lilted tongue i lull her back
to those creaking bars of my ribcage
peg her to my spine and place the ****** carcass
of the last boy we bit at beside her
grow sunflowers in my room and black out the curtains
we can stay here until she learns peace
learns to cry over his body like i did,
forgets blood and hate and their taste
we will learn tenderness in a dark room
howl at an empty sky until the stars take pity on us,
two-step to earth and bring the light back
open the closet, spin skeletons back to cloth,
the slate-grey dust of us has grown flowers,
rage trapped in pink-ribbon dreamcatcher wishes
her lips don't lift from her teeth anymore
and i can sleep with door unlocked
i can sleep with the closet open

If your poetry *****, get drunk.
keep drinking until you manage to ***** up something that bleeds with your blood
something that shakes with your breath,
something pitiful and cold on your bedsheets
drink some more and watch it writhe before you,
shatter the glass in your hand and hear it scream for you,
curse and die for you,
drink until you feel better, drink until you sleep,
drink until you feel hollow enough to swallow the weeping creature,
put down all the bottles, and the pens, and the sadness,
you'll try again tomorrow.

Sometimes I get drunk and remember the sound of his laughter
Remember the sound of my voice saying no
And his soft chuckle, like my safety wasn’t important
Like I wasn’t 14 and scared
Sometimes I get drunk and remember pushing him off me
Remember him climbing on me again
Holding me down
Sometimes I remember the feel of him inside me
Hurting
No alcohol necessary, the pain just lingers
Lingers like his laugh does when I close my eyes
Lingers like the secrets trapped in my throat
I still haven’t told my mother how he hurt me
Still haven’t admitted to myself that I’m still afraid
Sometimes I get drunk just to get aloof enough to touch another person
I put all the bottles away
And I still hear the laughter

My sadness is a tree that bears no fruit
And yet still I water every day
The roots greedily lapping at the downpour
Growing ever stronger
And my tree ever larger
I fall in the shadow of the colossus
Eyes skyward waiting for something,
anything
To come from the gnarled branches
Of a tree that whispers sorrow

I have been spending a lot of time with a boy who is molten
Liquid *** dripping from every word
Eyes ablaze as he tells me I'm unique in a way he's never known before
But I am craving eyes that burn with a different heat
One of hearthfires and Home
From a boy with shyness on his tongue
And laughter that curls around every syllable,
But he doesn't want me
And so I settle for this searing passion
This boy who is nothing like you
Aside from that he ignites some small part of me
And I hate that I need his heat in lieu of ours
But I have always hated the cold

Fever dreamer
restless sleeper
I am a burning star
screaming preacher
lonely schemer
The world is mine
and I devour

I weep for the beat of my heart
Now so foreign and unfamiliar to me
Bird in my ribcage ripping her wings
In the desperate bids to free herself
And flee from the bulbous rotting shadows
That share in her lightless prison
All my blood replaced with oil
And the small bird shrieks as she chokes
Guttural and laboured
But still
No freedom
No release
Only the screams of a dying bird,
The mournful cries of her captor
And the laughter of the shadows
Eating at them both

we sit in the technicolour daydreams
and lose ourselves in the iridescence
hold my hand in the gaping dark
make it phosphorescent, burn with me
we wander incandescent purgatories
we'll never make it out alive
but we wouldn't want to
we wouldn't want to

When I was a kid
And still, sometimes
In the rain, or the dark
Even standing in a sunbeam,
I would imagine my skin
Dripping like paint on canvas
The bones beneath turning to dust
carried away on a small breeze
It sounds silly, i know
I wanted to be so much more
I wanted the light to get in