Why is it so easy for me
To love you,
Yet so hard for me
To love myself?

You stole my heart
You didn't ask permission
And even though you're done with me,
You still haven't given it back

I have spent months building
All kinds of walls
To keep you out

I haven't seen you
So these walls have been working,
But I worry

Because I know the universe will make me see you again,
And I'm afraid that when I do,
You'll take one look at me,
And all my prized, intricate walls
Will instantly fall to rubble

And you'll casually stroll across
My ever so familiar threshold,
And right back in,
To me

Baby,
I'm like a piñata
You have to hit me
In the right spot,
With enough force
To be rewarded
With my sweet

We are stopped for special checks
At TSA and immigration

We are murdered
In our house of worship
Six innocent lives lost
Oak Creek Gurdwara, 2012

Racial slurs hit our hearts:
*******
ISIS
Towel head

Out of fear
We stop wearing our beautiful salwar kameezes, lenghas, saris, and kurta pajamas
In colors and embroidery your clothes could only ever dream of
We take off our crowns you call turbans
And replace them with baseball caps

We think twice about speaking Punjabi,
Our mother tongue,
Around those that don't recognize it

We stop packing our grandma's handmade saag and roti
To school for lunch
And start eating
Processed Lunchables

We separate into two people
Our American selves
And our Punjabi selves
Almost never does anyone meet both

All because
You don't know
The difference
Between a Sikh and a terrorist

The only time
I hear
My heart
And
Brain
At the same time,
Is when
They disagree

When I'm bored
I like to go on pretty girls' profiles
And imagine what it must be like to be them

To post a picture
And get that many likes
To have their perfect hair
Perfect bodies
Perfect smiles
To be beautiful

Sometimes I feel pretty
But no one ever tells me I am

So I go to their profiles
To remind myself
Of what society can say
But refuses to say to me

And I conclude
That it must be
Because I'm
Ugly