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I never once thought I would live this long.
Always assumed I would be buried by this point.
The scars i wear each tell a story
Each one tells of a mistake i made in a fight.

My shoulder blade was taken by a gun.
My back has  Kukri knife memories spanning it
My legs have so many stab wounds in them
I do not regret obtaining any of them.
My life
spinning out of control
faster then I can hold on

Things going wrong
left and right
things keep changing shifting
always in the wrong direction

But finally my life must have gotten tired
of always pulling the rug out from under me
because for once its standing still

I'm able to get up
and put my feet
on solid ground

But with a life like mine
I'm always looking over my shoulder

waiting
just waiting
for it all to be ripped
away from me again.
 May 2014 Fenix Flight
first last
"So what does depression feel like"*

It feels like trying to run through the sand after you have just climbed out of the ocean.

Like trying desperately to hang on to the merry-go-round spinning out of control.

Like struggling to keep your head above water in a wave pool.

Like trying to climb up a steep slide and slipping down just as you almost reach the top.

Like gasping for air after you've had the wind knocked out of you.

Like having a crush on life knowing life will never like you back.

Do you understand now?
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