I try my hardest to fake a smile
I can't let her come out
She threatens my very existence
She is toxic to my lungs and poison to my heart
She is always lurking in the depths of my darkest thoughts
I can't let her win or it's my life on the line
When she takes control,
My heart turns cold
My thoughts turn suicidal
I start to tell myself I'm better off dead
All I do is destroy and break
I was a mistake
I think of what life would be if I were dead
And I smile
There is a monster within me
I beg of her to come out
To put me out of my misery
But she likes to play my lungs.

I keep trying to write letters
but they never turn out right

you taught me that home was never truly a place

it is blue eyes that I could get lost in for hours
pushing and pulling like the tides of the sea

it is strong hands that built things up but also
tore them down
and still managed to leave goosebumps down my spine

it is whispered 'I love you's that sound like a rainy august night
hushing me to sleep

it is long cold winter nights wrapped in your arms
listening to our heartbeats synchronized

it is the thought of our apartment

it is the holidays we spent together

it is the way you used to look at me

it is the promises we meant to keep

I am still in love with you. You are still my home. This hurts a lot less then I expected, but the pain is
constant and shoots down my veins. I am addicted to you. I feel alive with you.

I told you from the first time we kissed by the library that we would end up this way.

every second I was with you, I knew I would end up trying to write you heartbroken letters that would
never end up sounding right.

A true friend doesn't care when your broke, being a *****, what you weigh, if your house is a mess, what you drive, about your past, or if family is filled with crazy people. They love you for who you are!

I am not a poet
But when thoughts, like rain,
Drench me in my solitude,
Words, they flow like a stream.
I am not a poet
But how can I see
The simpler joys of life,
And not create a song to be sung.
I am not a poet,
Nor an artist.
I am myself,
And you are my masterpiece.
I am not a poet,
If you are not the dream.
If I am a poet,
*Then you are what sets these pages on fire.