is this my insecurity,
or my intuition speaking?

the two “ i’s “
one will keep you safe,
the other will destroy.
maybe it’s a mix of both.
maybe you make me feel
like this and
it’s a red flag.
crimson, ruby, blood.
beautiful and altogether devastating.

I keep going around in circles.
everything is so simple
in your head
and so convoluted
in mine.

it’s unfair.

i am beginning to find myself again
i am in control of my future
as i sit out in the rain
with the wind blowing in my face
i realize everything will be
okay

where does my joy come from?
it comes not from you.
not from waiting for you,
like waiting for rain in a drought.
it comes not from pressing pause,
holding breath,
using litotes on the underwhelming.
it comes not from the unnecessary distractions.
or comparisons.
or sharp bluntness.

it definitely doesn’t come from that feeling - the feeling that you’re losing
interest.
the feeling that I’m losing
value.
the feeling that I’m losing.

it comes, instead, from something greater
something more
something inside
and all around

I remember to look away from you
and look up

Four limbs
Branching from a peach tree
My skin is a shield
My fat is fuel
A vessel for my weary soul
I will let it carry me