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Nov 13 · 94
the shipwreck
I loved you so long that I turned into something
I could not recognize.
By the time the ordeal was over I was no longer a girl but the shell of a shivering shipwreck left to rot among the rocks.
My senses had all been cast astray in the disaster, and, dressed in white waves, I had crawled my way back to shore.
I still do not know how I made it out of that wreckage. I only remember the voice from the depths assuring me I would survive, and I did.
and I am.
who am i now?
Oct 18 · 90
rosaline
what was it you saw in her?
so fast, when you claimed to love me?
how could it have been so deep
that you forgot what we had instantly?

you saw her for seconds,
Talked to her for minutes,
then by some strange justification decided
You Loved Her.

I don’t know if it was partly my fault,
pushing you away, but I only pushed you away because I knew how we’d end.
I’ve seen it before, and will see it again.
no loss for you, no heart, no law,
No light breaks through my window anymore.
Oct 18 · 651
ode to the peach tree
you sit and eat cereal off my floor.
talk about the way it was before

I know your soul like I know no man's land
You know little about me.
you sit and eat cereal off my floor.
I talk about the things i want to be

ode to the peach tree,
sage leaves and chai tea,
to learning how to play guitar,
to undressed, endless summers
wherever you are.
Oct 18 · 281
observation
I tug on your arm,
You don’t turn around anymore.
Observation
Oct 16 · 443
lover
your hair - cinnamon and burnt coffee.
your eyes -  an autumn mourning, pale and foggy.
your hands grasp firmly, not tight nor too loose,
you taste of warm winter's apple juice.
Oct 16 · 211
soft
there is something so very Soft,
about you.
Something cinnamon,
soothing and sweet.
Something woolen,
something warming,
something very Soft about you.
does that memory of me
on the sofa seem so
far away?
well then, who called you the taxi
and made sure you got home safe?

I bet you still remember the things
you said to me
the ones you claim you never spoke
safe place, no longer free.

I have been a shadow in this space because of you
no longer will I sit and stare until the walls burn through.
I still cannot hear anything but that heavy silent house
I still can't quite conceive how you were quiet as a mouse.

You said that you weren't ready
but you were just for She,
I was a fool for thinking you could cope with
loving me.
Mar 11 · 95
bed-side table.
the softest glow of careless fight
classic books and candle light
Tissues missing from their box
soak up blood with knitted socks

love and sheets and dented dreams
ripped apart by broken teens
purple flowers, palest skin
blossom with the thought of him

there’s someone standing in my room
the shadow of the ghost of you
collarbones stick out so sore
hit and kiss right to the jaw.

walls they cry and shrink for you
bars will break and let you through
frightened for the fight of wives
laws because girls turn to knives
tbc.
Jan 18 · 111
trusting love
how am I supposed to know
If love is true and I’m to grow?
For I felt love at the hands of a liar
while I cried, as he got higher,
And I felt love as I was used
Over again, as self was fused.
And I felt love as rumours were spread,
Through hours of wanting to just be dead,
BUT
I felt love at the laugh of my mother
The calm embrace of my older brother
I felt love at the smile of my dad,
Whom, though caring, can drive me mad,
And
I felt love at the friendships we’ve formed
the girls with whom I’ve laughed and mourned, and I felt love in the nudge of the dog, the soggy walks home and the days full of fog.
a diary of a person who feels too much
Jan 13 · 145
STAY GONE.
Why do you come in and out of my life like a raging tide?
Stay gone!
Stay gone!
I was doing just fine.

“Been ages since we spoke”
I wanted that to stay.
I wanted you to just forget
That dreadful doubting day.

I’m happier without it,
Though often think of you,
I’ve met a man who loves me so
Much more lovingly than you.

I know you know you hurt me.
I know you know that sticks.
But You don’t know what impact your
stones have caused my bricks.

The ones that build me, form me,
Are still all cracked and chipped
My insides torn apart at all the heartstrings you have ripped.

Why do you never stay gone?
I beg you’re unaware !
Why do you never stay gone?
PLEASE  let me repair.
pain breeds poetry
Dec 2019 · 132
not sorry
eva-mae coffey Dec 2019
Someone who has endured manipulation,
Only wants to be loved, but
Relatively easily,
Repression is hard to overcome.
You will learn to understand.
Nov 2019 · 305
beautiful stranger
eva-mae coffey Nov 2019
I often wonder what the strangers on the bus think when they look at me, looking at the raindrops race each other down the misty
window panes.
do they see the sadness that satiates me?

there is a girl, whom I recognise, but can't think from where,
She seems to see the sadness there.

we've talked but once, she has purple hair, its long and straight.
She seems to care.

I know not her name, her aches or her pain,
I know not her life, her troubles, her strife,
one thing is sure, though I don't know her nature,
I know that this girl is a Beautiful Stranger.
Nov 2019 · 902
lonely ghost
eva-mae coffey Nov 2019
This week I have wandered.
alone, a lost ghost among my regular haunts.
from the coffee shop in the park to the icy edge of the ocean I strayed,
Then returned to the warm yellow windows of my family home.
My hair is a mess, hasn’t been washed and left in a low tuft, at the nape of my neck, twined together with a green satin ribbon.

This week I have wandered.
Alone, a lost ghost among my regular haunts,
from the kitchen I crawled back to the warmth of my solitary sanctuary.
And there I stayed, as normal, in my navy knee length sweatshirt and joggers.

And now, as I sit in my single bed, pale back against the radiator, the tears finally come.
Nov 2019 · 288
haircut/identity crisis
eva-mae coffey Nov 2019
I cut all my hair off yesterday.
8 inches of golden rays gone.
The blunt ends now sit upon my collarbones.
it’s softer.
I like it.
Oct 2019 · 708
An Angel, Once.
eva-mae coffey Oct 2019
I surely saw an angel,
For a solid space in time.
I surely heard her singing,
For a love she longed to find.
I surely felt a silken hand,
Brush tenderly with mine.
I surely saw an angel once,
Before she fell in line.

Suddenly there’s blackest joy,
Filling every vein.
I sing of luck and liberty
That’s quickly stripped away.
My touch is dark and fever some
Infecting every day.
I surely saw an angel once,
She has slowly slipped away.
Oct 2019 · 82
house of silhouettes
eva-mae coffey Oct 2019
main road dusk
you in that dress
rain against glass
tell me everything.

in the house of silhouettes
there must be some light
the people are blind,
and they dance, but they bite.

in the house of silhouettes
there must be a monarchy
the wonder of a century
is breathing, feverishly.
Oct 2019 · 75
stronger
eva-mae coffey Oct 2019
I ache
for the smallest parts of me
that you took when you left
my hope
my trust
my innocent love
ripped from my mind and bereft:

i mourn the glimmers of freshness
new, like the morning
Replaced by the doubts
Feeding and gnawing
Less hope
Less trust
Less innocence love

I soldier on to the upcoming dawning.
rip me to pieces and break me apart
I will soldier on and heal my own heart
Sep 2019 · 214
Angelface
eva-mae coffey Sep 2019
Pulsate your peevish pain
through every inch of me,
call it love,
your preposterous purity
pumps in my veins now,
I cannot escape your
Vice, I laugh that I once
Tried.

That is a part of me now.
That same sickness satiates
Each nerve of mine.
That same slaughterous sin
sounds like the echo of
My bare bones.
That slimy sidekick that
You call sanctimonious
Writhes, sorry in my skin.

Pre-existent Angelface is nothing
But a wistful, naïve miracle!
She is chained with heavy wire,
Remains in my grains.
I believe she weeps, out of sheer
Celebration, for she is a
ferociously forgiving creature
Blind to her nature.
self reflection
Aug 2019 · 393
September 1st.
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
September is creeping at summer’s corners
with stealth, so slight, so slender
flakes of gold, no fight, still tender.
Aug 2019 · 145
summer's end
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
let me float
with the swells of your mood
and the smells of your tiny apartment
breath you in
out
as we sit cross legged on your
sagging sofa
summers afternoon is drawing in
to a confine
and I am claustrophobic.

Stuck in a secret safe haven
That shakes with anticipation
aches with adoration
resonates your thunder.
Aug 2019 · 399
rejoice
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
the suffering i have danced through.
the tears i have bathed in.
I rejoice my survival
Aug 2019 · 566
Excess
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
my hair is too short
too short to tie up
too long to be free
too tangled to love

my face is too sad
too sad to be bright
too red to be snow
too pale to be light

my hands are too weak
too weak to point out
too small to hold
too tired to scout

My skin is too soft
Too soft to be smooth
Too rough to be felt
Too broken to move
too much or not enough?
Aug 2019 · 120
//him//
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
oh lord
please end
the terrible way that he cries when he
smiles
and how i cry with him,
for him,
through him.
please end the numbing silence that
surrounds us
and why i keep waiting
for him,
on him,
waiting for a chance to show that
this path i have taken was not correct
but that i have a terrible  love for where it has
ended up.
Aug 2019 · 342
heathcliff
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
and I would call you my Heathcliff,
but I am no Catherine.

You were a complex character
before I made my impact,
I cannot claim to have caused your
wounds, nor to have healed your heart,
But for the time we had,
I hope I brought you some small,
( however small)
amount of joy, or at least
rest,
from the wicked souls who tormented you
That now reside in a shadow behind your smile.

And yes, in a way I suppose I have the qualities of Catherine,
I too broke my own heart,
but at least you could recognise
that you too, played your part.
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
here.
and then not.
well now what?

he’s holding back tears,
this soft summer
says he has a cold,

my hand magnetically,
attaches to his shoulder
and pulls him closer.

He kisses my head,
“you’re such a good friend”
as his arm snakes round my shoulder.

now we’re lying.
swaying summer grass
his hand takes mine,

jokes that my arm
is in the wrong place,
Corrects it with caress.

we are standing somewhere,
here and then not,
this isn’t fair
well now what?
Aug 2019 · 167
are you more than another?
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
another name
To add to my page of heartbreak
another name
To keep me numb
Another name
To romance, for a second chance
Though he is second to none.

another face
To associate with love
another face
To curse with praise
another face
to rehearse each small graze
On our downward facing days.

another heart
to submerge in anticipation
another heart
To learn each crack of pavement
another heart
To bleed dry, with a needle to the eye, when all my energy is spent.

another day
To pay for the holes in myself
To jump off of the highest shelf

another fate
To hate with an upward trend
Well I don’t need another friend.
Aug 2019 · 430
The reaper
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
there is a terrible pain
an aching waking dragon
writhing inside
At her name

there is a terrible fright
A devastated, hatred
which arises
At her sight

A terrible fear
Much deeper, the reaper
Has come
For me.
Aug 2019 · 1.5k
done with darling
eva-mae coffey Aug 2019
I am tired of trying
The old you can’t be cloned
I am sick of crying
And watching you get ******
I am through with lying
Oh, I heard you when you groaned
I am not replying.

I am done with darling
The sweetness has been framed
and it’s quite alarming
To see what has decayed.
Jun 2019 · 124
neve.
eva-mae coffey Jun 2019
I cannot sing today
have not been well for a while
I cannot speak, for I
have been struggling, meanwhile:

She rides atop a golden wave
Cries like an angel choir
Is showered with abundant praise
in theory, I should be higher.

Happier for her growing success
though it may drag mine down
I celebrate, though must confess
I bear an inward frown.
comparison kills
envy is an ugly trait
May 2019 · 677
toffee rot
eva-mae coffey May 2019
you were toffee to my teeth
initially tasted so sweet
soon sickly, twisted and knotted
to my soul you
stuck and rotted
May 2019 · 140
overmorrow
eva-mae coffey May 2019
through the last three months I have been
mourning
flowing through the mechanical movements of missing you.
the mornings
are lonelier now, and the moon’s  meandering motions mistake my melancholy for metamorphosis
for I have been modified by your musical meglomania,
And I will forever be forgetting you.
Apr 2019 · 1.9k
The Untamed
eva-mae coffey Apr 2019
another november creeps in at the corners, and her omission of modesty has once again amazed me. the trees cry, golden tears that tesselate under my toes, cloaking the concrete in earthy hues that might fool you into thinking humanity had never touched this realm of benevolent bliss.
But it has, for this metropolis is full of foolery, of factories and fame,
all of which have obnoxiously trampled every square inch of the woodlands which once ran riot over the distant, deserted hills.
Mists of fine floods hang now, like a veil in the haze of a rainy wedding day.
There is thunder in the eyes of the untamed, the flesh and blood whose dwellings have been disturbed by savage, civilised society.
Apr 2019 · 302
spring
eva-mae coffey Apr 2019
To sit and sip
On bitter foam
That warms from in within
Among the pretty snowdrops
I commit my deadly sin
the curl of crescent starlight
that will not let me in
push blossoms out of bare wood
Begrudgingly, it’s spring.
Apr 2019 · 218
surge
eva-mae coffey Apr 2019
measure the midway, that cavernous kiss
torment of the raging waves
commentates angelical bliss
softly in those criminous caves.

endure and wail with the whispering wind
the tyrannous acid lash
twice the insidious harmony
of foamy thunder ****.

crawl and curl into turbulant annex
antagonistic reverie
thrice the slaving metroplex
of every elder tree.
Mar 2019 · 235
the perpetual.
eva-mae coffey Mar 2019
may I ask what shaped your love
of fragile, bitter, true,
can I tell which wrong is right,
I often think of you.

abysmal, blunt, imperishable
moderate to none,
may I ask who carved your love
from segments of the sun.

that slight touch of tenderness
softens beyond the blue
glistening tears of gentleness
my kind regards to you.

spring blossoms into summer,
and summer falls to rust, and
the only Thing I know and love,
has left in cardboard dust.
Noah.
Feb 2019 · 173
lets go out again
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
lets go out again,
because
we like each other.
we like each other,
lets go out again.
we had fun last month,
we had fun,
lets go out again.

YES/NO

last month you tore me to shreds
bits of you in everything I did
particles in my hair
on my clothes but its fine
because I like spending time
with you
I like spending time with you
because we like each other
we like each other,
so lets go out again.
Feb 2019 · 407
commitment
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
just how fast one flies away
when they are threatened with
a tether
Feb 2019 · 330
a n g e l s i n l o v e
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
run your hands
through golden strands
speak softly,
ask me how,
then
mantle my cheeks,
you flush my brow.

caress rosebud lips
and hug my hips
sing sweetly,
ask me why,
then
turn around for I am one,
to exist until I die.
Feb 2019 · 368
learningmylesson
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
I wish romance was as dead
as the flowers you left on my
kitchen table
for I have finished with frolic
and ****** with fame
and never come out on top.
Feb 2019 · 138
manipulation
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
I don't think its pure
or ******* romantic
to reassure somebody
that you cannot live without
them
Feb 2019 · 189
sorry
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
I wish I could love you
in that path
You are so kind and you
Make me laugh

I wish I could see you
In that shadow
You are so talented and you
Had me so

Torn.
Because I do love you
Just not in that way
I hate that I don’t
But love you, I won’t.
You would be so good for me
Feb 2019 · 84
bittersweet
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
you are so full of honey
syrupy sweetness
tell me why you turned so bitter
Change
Feb 2019 · 103
may
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
may
what do you think of
In May
Is it me or is it the daffodils
Though they mostly grow through March
Do months transport you to your teenage years
Or do they just come and go
In your head
Is there an association between
Time and place
Or do you live
Or are you dead?
Feb 2019 · 233
there are places to go
eva-mae coffey Feb 2019
never do anything,
without loving it like I do
never just exist,
just because you have to

run with the sun
and smile in the salt
love like your love has never been lost

soak up the warmth
and play in the snow
be who you are
there are places to go
I love you for loving me
I love myself when I'm being me.
Jan 2019 · 299
being there.
eva-mae coffey Jan 2019
i don't want to eat today
do not force me.
i don't want to talk today
let me listen.
i don't want to leave my bed today.
lay with me.
stare at the ceiling and hold my hand.
Jan 2019 · 2.4k
recent lover, loss of you.
eva-mae coffey Jan 2019
mary jane has taken you away from me
you're so obsessed with the sensation
of breathing her in
it seems you have forgotten the feeling
of my lips, my hair, my embrace
in place of what you perceive as a better
lover.

mary jane has taken you away from me.
the people who love could never
love as intensely as she
caresses your senses, changes the tense
in which you think
do you think about me at all anymore?
see if you will tell
that i haven't been doing well.
Jan 2019 · 792
For Lora
eva-mae coffey Jan 2019
she is lovely, she is kind

and i crave to paint the creases of her smile

in lilacs, and roses and wind

daisies through her halo hair

rays of sun do not compare to the presence

of Elora.
you're my best friend, I'll love you till one of us dies -Keaton Henson
Dec 2018 · 170
//love is a battleground//
eva-mae coffey Dec 2018
and so
after five hours you reply
in real life time does not exist
and I remember alice said
It would be nice if something would
make sense for a change
but maybe I held you too tightly
because things were happening so fast
maybe I let you ruin me
take everything I was
and leave me hugging my pillow
in place of you
this love is not a victory, its a battleground
of fighting for each other.
Nov 2018 · 216
children of the universe
eva-mae coffey Nov 2018
to have loneliness resonate through me at such a young age
to feel the dull ache of constant emptiness
feels selfish, when there is so much beauty that surrounds me.
I want to be rooted to the ground.
for I am deeply a child of the universe and I should know my place.
eva-mae coffey Nov 2018
sweet darling,
i care not for your love,
if your love cares not for me.
sweet angel,
one never was so compliant
your eyes used to speak,
but they've always been silent
sweet darling
who suffered so deeply in guiding
sweet angel
I loved you,
though  your love was in hiding.
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