People ask me why I do not believe in God, so this isn't a poem just an explanation for my borderline-blasphemous atheist views. All over the world people suffer: children are abused, women *****, men tortured. Yet people still trust a happy grandfather up in the skies to make their lives perfect. Yeah, people say that heaven is this great place but why do people on earth have to suffer to get there? Okay, some religions believe in sinning, but isn't it a sin to watch as 4,000 children die every single day just because they don't have enough water?  If there actually turns out to be a God, I would honestly rather rot in hell for eternity than sit up there being happy whilst people down here suffer...

So yes, I do not believe in an omnibenevolent God that sits in the skies, because if he loved everyone then why let his "children" suffer?

Sadness is
a gentlemanly
kiss.

but the truth is
i never wanted to be alone

i just wanted to get away
from those who don't understand
whatever the hell is going on
inside of my soul

because there's so much conflict
and thoughts wrestling inside
of my brain;

i don't need to be around someone
who doesn't understand it

so, i guess, i chose solitude
if you can even really call it that

i'm stuck in a cage made out of
my own fears
whether they be fiction or real

(who knows the difference
between them nowadays
anyway?)

and now i'm just learning to try again
because all i've been doing is
giving up on myself and everyone else.

we are seven billion people
on this great big rock
and we are all alive
together.

it's so easy to talk about loneliness and pain
to romanticize all of these things that i've been feeling
and throw in rhymes here and there

but how do i get myself out of this mess?
how do you fall in love when you're so uncomfortable
with yourself?

it's 5 am again and all i can think of is
how quickly my fingers hover over the keys
and there are people rising but
i still cannot sleep

i am engulfed in sad songs and books and the quotes
in those books that tell me more about myself
than i ever can

(sometimes i wish some dead poets were my friends
and then sometimes i wish i could put on a mask
and masquerade around as another person,
as a stranger even to myself
i feel like i'd be more comfortable then)

tell me, what does it feel like to fall in love?
does it feel like electricity crawling up and down your spine,
like warm fuzzy feelings swirling in your stomach like wine?
and does it last? or do people just pretend?
will i ever find love? or will i be all alone in the end?