I remember the first time someone explained to me what the word gay meant. We were in middle school Playing on the swing set behind Stoy Elementary "He’s so gay," she said Bitter disgust poured out of her mouth with every syllable I could not think as to why being happy could be such a horrible thing And so I asked My exact words being “Whats so wrong with being happy?” Now both my friends looked at me weird “Don’t you know what gay means?” “Doesn’t it mean to be happy?” “You’re such a little kid, gay does not mean happy. Gay is a boy who likes another boy” I stood there wondering why it mattered so much that a boy liked another boy; why it was such a distasteful thing. And why it meant gay couldn’t still mean happy.
I want to kiss her. I want to kiss her so bad. And I miss her. But I hurt her and I'm an idiot. Sorry. Needed to get this out. And you're the only one I feel safe telling. Night.
I sit here, loved, But still lonely; feeling broken, but barely bent, a good life, but with a sad face. And I know I'll be okay... eventually, but for right now I'm not, and I need you to know that I'm trying