It started with music,
The beautiful soothing sound
Of strings gently piercing the silhouettes
That danced, the keyboard
Forcefully striking at the ears that
Bled for the composure in song.

It led to something greater,
The slashing of skin
And the oozing of open wounds
That carried their way down arms
And to the legs, where numbness arose
And sadness was hidden.

It all got old, so it moved to the next
And the brain cells swelled,
The cotton in the mouth along with it.
Vision was obscure and speech
Was almost completely impossible
And it moved into bed,
On top of you.

One thing led to another,
More gaining it's speed on the veins
That crawled so vividly open
When the clock hit midnight.
Every midnight became a part of the past
And every season brought new tides.
From music, to blood, to drugs, to *** -
It all became an immunity.

It's like a terrifying drug,
One that pulls you in further
And further
And even further
Until you're addicted and
There is absolutely no way out.
The ****** that escapes itself
From my cold and ****** slits
Laying parallel on my forearms
Is so comforting and normal.
My ******* up mind,
It leaves me with no recognition
As to what is going on
In the present time of my life.
I'm addicted to the pain and torture
That these cuts seem to take away.

My body shakes with thoughts
Of the lies and manipulation
That my loved ones seem to find
So amusing, so satisfying.
To feel better about themselves
Is all they mourn for and desire.
I'm becoming insane with the thought
Of purely disappearing and never
Speaking one word more of what
My life had become, or what it could be.
I am lost and shaken with the idea
That maybe someday I can find
Complete closure and satisfaction
In the life that I so effortlessly call mine.

Your exalt may be intimidating,
But I still want you.
I still want to know your mind.
I want to know the simple breaths
That so slowly escape your lungs
As we walk down a cold road,
Hand in hand - our feet
Gently hitting the pavement
In a synchronizing melody.
I don't care if you are above me,
Because you are a benevolent man.
You don't care if I'm low
And completely broken,
Because you see something beyond
My furrowed brows and
Sunken cheeks, which are tired
And empty, like my fragile heart.

Your love is pending.*

Will you accept my request?
Take me into your heart -
I promise to give my soul to you.
I have no reason to keep
Any part of me.
I am useless,
My bones are bare,
So take me completely.
Don't distain me.
Instead scrutinize my feelings
And take them into consideration.
I promise I'm not as ****** up
As I may seem, as I may have been.
Dig into my mind,
And I promise that you may find
Someone who not only wants
But needs you too.

*Your love is pending.

Hold
On
Pain
Ends