There is no madness
Darker farther
Than the depths
Of losing a daughter
I sit now praying
Her soul is
In heaven
And everyday
Is peace and warmth
And how I mourn
Her memory
Study her every feature
And how I
Wish to be again
Her father
And kiss her forehead
Tell her I love her
But grace is fallow
And nature cruel
And bad things
Can happen I knew
But I was only
Thinking that
The very day
You skinned your
Knee biking
I never knew
I'd be forever
Cursed to dream
Without you

So that we no longer
One day have to die

Proceed
with the procession
End
the sick transgression

That plagued us so long
Where did we go wrong

Bury the old
And martyr the young
Things end the same
As they'd always begun
But it's worse to those
Who decide to run

All it takes is a few
To turn around
To say that's enough
To stand their ground
And that's what they did
The thirteen that here lie
Waiting for their solemn
Graves in the sky

So that we no longer
One day have to die

They say that I am suicidal.
I am not.
I do not dream of jumping off of bridges,
Or downing bottles of pills.
My thoughts are not clouded with ways to end it all.
I do not try to hang myself,
Or cut slits into my skin.
But if a car were to hit me,
I wouldn't mind.
Or maybe if a shooter barges in,
I wouldn't mind if he shot me first.
I do not crave death as if it were a drug.
I do not plan ways to end myself.
But if something,
Or someone,
Were to end it for me
Well...
I wouldn't mind.

Dear Mom,
The last time I talked to you was 5 years ago.
You were laying in your bed,
You had no hair because of the treatments.
Your eyes were hazy and clouded over from all of the pain medications.
The last time we talked,
I told you that I would be okay without you.
That it was time for you to go because I didn’t want to see you in pain anymore.
The person laying in that bed wasn’t you.
It was someone whose being was riddled with cancer and dozens of medications.

Dear Mom,
The last time we talked,
I held your hand and told you
“I love you”
And although you couldn’t respond
You lightly squeezed my hand as if to say
“I love you too”.
It’s been 5 years.
And although I’m glad you are gone,
No longer sick and in misery,
It hurts like hell.

Dear Mom,
The last time we talked,
I told you that I would be fine without you.
I lied.
I need you now more than ever.
And I wish that,
Even if it were for just a split second,
I could sit in your arms again.
You were the only person who ever accepted me.
And now you’re gone.
Slipped away through our fingers.
It was your time to go.
It all became too much.
The cancer wouldn’t stop spreading,
And the chemo was making you weak.

Dear Mom,
I would give anything to go back to the days before you were sick.
When we would go shopping and play dress up.
When you would sit me down and do my makeup.
When you used to wash my hair every morning before school because it was too long for me to do it by myself.
When I would play with your hair because you had a headache from work.

Dear Mom,
Everyone says I look just like you before you were sick.
Somedays I just smile because, to me, you were always beautiful.
Somedays I cry, because it changed your appearance that much.

Dear Mom,
I hope i’m making you proud.
I know I have made mistakes.
But I think you would be proud of me if you were here.

Dear Mom,
It’s hard knowing you weren’t there for my 16th birthday.
And you won’t be there when I graduate highschool.
And you won’t be at my wedding.
It’s hard knowing that you’ll never get to hold your grandchildren
and see them grow up.
But you’ll forever me in my heart and my mind and soul.
My children will always know you by "Num nums".

Dear Mom,
You were my best friend,
My role model,
My inspiration.
You are the reason I haven’t given up yet.

Dear Mom,
The last time we talked I told you that I would be fine without you.
Some days I feel like that is a lie.
Like any moment I will shatter and everything will crumble around me.
But most days I am okay.
I go through everyday with you in the back of my mind, giving me encouraging words and a happy smile.

Dear Mom,
I love you and i'm doing fine without you, even if some days it's hard.

Dark grey clouds appeared upon the sky.
           As the raindrops started pouring down,
I knew it was time for goodbye.

Extinguishing the fire inside me
        That used to burn so bright.
Fading out the passion
        And dimming all the light.

Nothing is left of me,
         My heart has gone cold.

That was my story that for once,
Needed to be told.

you will never be forgotten.
ever.
your name twisted into metaphors and colors and distractions will forever
be painted across pages and pages of her favorite brand of notebook,
no matter how many she burns
there will always be one she forgot,
and she will only find it once she had almost forgotten you.
she will find the one Papyrus notebook
and all of your metaphors and colors and disractions will come flooding back,
just like how the ocean in your eyes
flooded her heart all those years ago.

Can you trust someone who thinks that 'Love is Temporary' ?




Because
I used to love someone with all my heart
Every inch of my body loved him
Every drop of my blood loved him
Every little cell of my body loved him
My body was his
The control was his

I could not eat if I missed him
I could not sleep if I could not smell his intoxicating cologne
I could not breathe if I could not see him

He was the center of my universe
He was the beauty of my world
He was my everything
and I could not live without him



Do you realize that I used the words "used to"?
It means that I survived.
I survived the heartbreak that he caused.
I survived the unbearable pain that he gave.
I survived the deadly reaction of my body after he left
I survived days without eating
I survived days without sleeping
I survived from 'he was my everything'
I survived from 'I could not live without him'
I survived from all the prodigious illusions of loving him.

Because
Love is Temporary
Love is not Forever
But Love will always be there


When Love dies, Love is born



So, can you trust me?