I ****** a boy with an evil smile tonight; he kissed me, said "don't be afraid to fall in love" then called a cab to bring me home

I move swiftly like a switchblade run cooly through your veins
no matter how you try to leave I will eternally remain
there is something in the wicked way you smile and say my name
there is something in that wicked way that helps me stay insane
and I drop down on my knees confessions spilling from within
you spit coldly in my face and thank me for my sin
I know I am not beautiful I know I am not kind
cause when you hurt me baby you leave mystery behind
I am swift as a switchblade the baddest lil girl
the shadow of a ghost haunting always in this world

he wants to be inside me but i say
three is a crowd
myself, she
plus He
3, the holy trinity
i rip my hair out in a manic fit he
rips my hair out in a ****** fit he
pushes my face in the mattress
suffocates Me, suffocates She
we are One In The Same
(give yourself to me! / don't say you're in love
direct your eyes at me, please / look away
i feel so alone baby, hold me heal me make me yours / i hate the roughness of your hands, i hate your ***** finger nails
i cant live without you please don't go / i despise the way you look at me, leave me alone)
WE crave
love solitude *** motion security independence sweetness hate
HE craves
love company *** stability security companionship sweetness affection

human nature tells them
love comes from destruction

SHE tells ME
they are in bed together

I bought a white rose today. Not for anyone, not even for anything. It's for me. I buy myself flowers; they make me happy. And I'll do whatever it takes to make myself happy.

All my life, I've been sacrificing everything—even myself—for people who couldn't even appreciate it.

And I think, I think now is time to love myself.

I no longer feel love is a necessity and even if it were it remains elusive. Many lovers passed. They came they went and all I truly miss is playing good or bad girl long enough to get off. Get undressed, get on your knees, get wet for me, get ******. !Get ******! Lust leaves a softly pulsating crimson sheen behind my eyelids. Lust feels like when you have a blindfold on and you strain to peek through, to violate. Lust is Loves' true enemy. Lust takes without apology/lust punishes/lust is the arms I am taken in. I've never been the best at "please" but in Lust's wake I pout prettily saying "yes please, and thank you".

i sometimes sing myself to sleep so i can forget your soft voice murmuring

but it's never enough to erase your rough touch from my frail being

and as i lay awake and think about dreams that will suffocate me,

i can almost see the endless amount of breaths i wasted waiting for someone to love me.