Walking in with your blue patterned shirt
My heart begins to flood with hurt
As I think of the first time

You guide me through the sand and reach for my hand
We sink into the ocean view, but all I see is you

And those hazel eyes
That wrapped me up in its see of green
And brightened my soul with their specs of gold
I love you spilling from my lips while you reach for my hips

Each day exactly the same
Oblivious to any time frame
I eat your sweet nothings like my life depends on it
Never realizing nothing is what would come of it
And I wonder how I missed those lying eyes
Hidden

In those hazel eyes
That wrapped me up in its see of green
And brightened my soul with their specs of gold
I love you spilling from my lips while you reach for my hips

How did I fall into this hole
And believe the con within my soul
That these eyes would be the ones I awoke to forever
When what I wake to is the memory of

Hazel lies.

How long did you know I was blood in the water?

As I lie awake, I wonder all the things I missed.
How I was fooled when we kissed.
Every time you spoke of dreams they were hollow.
And my mind kept reeling in imaginary bliss.

How long did you know I was blood in the water?

I wonder if it was the way I bought into your embrace.
Staring each night at the silhouette of your face.
I took each word as proof.
But in the end, it was the truth.
I never really knew you.

How long did you know, I was blood in the water?

I remember this line that sunk into my soul.
You said you needed me to make you whole.
Like what you wanted to shoot through your veins.
I guess thats when I should have known.
You'd only bring me pain.

But all along...
You knew...

I was blood in the water.

Brown eyes staring at the wall
Waiting for it all to crash to the ground
Empty bottles scattered all around
I lay my head real close to hear your breath sound.

But I know, I know its just to get to the other side.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
Don't you see the dreams you can have?
Stop seeking this fog thats dragging you back.

I watch the glaze melt from your gaze.
Clarity brings tears of sincerity.
You crawl to the floor in search of that last drop.
Only to call a man to take you to your next stop.

But I know. I know its just to get to the other side.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
Don't you know the life you can have?
Stop seeking this fog thats dragging you back.

Brown eyes open to the sky.
A white sheet covers them as they all pass by.
My heart sinks as the sirens turn off.
All I know is another soul is lost.

But I know. I know its just to get to the other side.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
My my, pretty brown eyes.
Didn't you see the love that you had?
You sought this fog that only drug you back.

My my, pretty brown eyes.
My my, pretty brown eyes.

I'm okay.
You don't need to call today.
I licked my wounds.
It didn't matter anyway.

You told me to find some self respect,
as I cried from your neglect.
And you were right.
Oh, you were right.

I didn't need to put up a fight.
I was gonna be just fine.

So Im fine.
Ya just fine.
Weathered your hurricane and came out the other side.
Trust me, Im fine.

You don't need to call today.
It didn't matter anyway.
You asked me why I didn't let it go,
told me I was a fool and now everybody knows.
And you were right.
Oh, you were so right.

I didn't need to put up a fight.
I was gonna be just fine.

So, don't call today.
We both know it didn't matter anyway.
You asked me to find some self respect.
Now I realize, I have no regrets.
And you were right.
So right.

I didn't need to put up a fight.
I am just fine.

The older I get the more I question whether I have ever truly loved someone.

A year ago, I would have said I did. I stumbled upon this intoxicating feeling of being found. Seen even. ACCEPTED. I saw him as my savior, rescuing me from my demons lurking in the shadows.

It was beautiful the way he looked at me, all knowing. It threw me to my knees. He knelt with me, kissing every indiscretion and ugliness. Praying this would never go away, I willingly surrendered my soul as he sensually sang his love for me.

With each refrain, I found myself converted. Obliviously, giving away my pearls to swine.

Like with every mere mortal, deception is too hard to keep hidden. Shattered with the reality of his facade, all that surrounded me were the demons I was running from.

My fears of his sins confirmed I had been rejected in my most vulnerable state, leaving me with nothing but shame.

A year later, I sometimes think of him and his silver tongue. I think of the flowery lyrics he lured me with and one line. This one line that led me like a lamb to the slaughter, "I would watch grass grow with you, Elisa."

I no longer question why I followed him, because I know.

His soul was broken like mine, just in different places. And as we held each other for redemption, his jagged edges left me bleeding.

Did I ever really love him?

That's the thing with false gods and reckless believers; you love what you think you know: deliverance.

Did I ever really love any of them? Or, did I love the promise of Heaven?

Blue flowers
blossom freely
bouncing silently
Between fresh blades

Bees fly busily
sensing
Feet
spring forward
beneath
blue skies

Soles
sink firmly
Feeling Blessed
by simple
Flowing breezes

My fingers are numb.
Pressing down on each chord,
I strum hoping to make a tune.
I hear a vague melody
Muffled by the uncoordinated digits.

This guitar is the sum
Of what my soul can afford.
With my relationships pruned,
These strings give me clarity.
Your facade fractured my spirit.

“I’d watch grass grow with you.”
A line I swore was true.
Unable to see the difference
Between a chorus
And
a verse.