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dth Feb 2023
leaving my pills untouched since “it’s just a phase”, fooling myself into an illusion of the better days.

all hopes are abandoned for a mere praise.

and when the time comes, only the pitiful sight of a longing gaze in the dead of the night are what remains.

it was supposed to be just a phase,
what a foolish phrase;
the truth is that it never ends.
i wish it was just a phase.
dth Oct 2022
Kindly trade your voice in exchange for my happiness, my child.

For motherhood is a cold and barren place, filled with nothing but loneliness and regrets. The warmth I was promised with is but a sweet nothing.

You see my child; my mother too left me with an emptiness waiting to be filled.
I was lured by the premise of a faraway place where this heart of mine shall never stop feeling full, a beautiful garden of roses. But alas; thorns and crimson colours akin to blood were all I found.

But not to worry, you too shall have your turn at happiness, my child.

Maybe not now, nor soon, but maybe in the distant future – for you too has been left with the same emptiness in your heart as me. You too shall be seduced by the same warmth i was once promised; a desperate yearning for happiness.

It is not yet your turn.

And so for now, just let me have mine.
An ode to mother-daughter relationships stuck in an endless cycle of trauma-bonding, bound to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
dth Oct 2017
Dear love,

I still remember the first day when we first met.
Our first date, my first ever.
Every little thing, every small detail; I could still recall it picture-perfectly.
Who would’ve thought we could make it this far?

Through thick and thin, we’ve been through a lot.
We’ve faced both heaven and hell on earth together, and tasted both the sweet and the bitter.
Yet my faith for you never falters, nor my love for you ever fades out.

Being with you, I’ve learned many things others never taught me before.

You taught me how to be a compassionate human being;
One who would be willing to go out of their way just for the one they love.

You taught me how to be a selfless human being;
One who would put down one’s ego and wouldn’t mind who’s right or wrong,
One who wouldn’t mind saying sorry and owning up to one’s mistake.

You taught me how to be a resilient human being;
One who wouldn’t give up so easily.

And the most importantly,
You taught me how to love and appreciate myself more;
One who would wake up to someone relentlessly admiring another’s existence oh-so unconditionally.

Whatever it is that life has bestowed upon us, we shall get through the murky, stormy sky.

I shall love you until my fleeting vassal turns into nothingness.

Everlastingly yours,
Detha
dth Aug 2017
The moment when
you stopped saying
"I love you"
is the moment when
I stopped sleeping.
And I've never been this sleepless before.
dth Jul 2017
Dear Love,

Engulfed within the darkness of the night, I'm writing this to you in hopes that I'd convey at least a bit of my utmost sincere gratitude to you for being so kindly decided to be around. Let me kneel before you and humble myself in front of you, for you're the only one who could and would embrace me wholly and completely. I can assure you that I don't have any other needs nor motives behind me asking for your constant presence other than the desire to love you wholly and completely in return. Allow me then to submit myself to you as whole, for you're the only one who could and would take me as it is; unpolished, raw, untouched.

Longing for you badly,
Detha
P.S. Please don't stop clouding my head
dth Jul 2017
Dear love,

I'm writing this at four in the morning as I relentlessly contemplate about how much I cherish you as a person, treasure you as a best friend, and adore you as a lover. These feelings are overflowing my insides like a deluge, and the constant surge never subsides — always flooding my chest and making it feels as heavy as ever, just like when you loomed over my body and took a bit of my breath. I hereby would like to remind you over and over again that I could never and would never be thankful enough for the opportunity to know such a kindhearted human being like you and the very privilege to have you right by my side for more than a year already. We've gotten so far and we've finally come to an understanding that all the wears and tears apparently only made our clasping hands stronger instead of weaker and our mortal selves better instead of worse. Until the dawning of time when each of our gentle souls leave its fragile vessel, I'd like to humbly request you to kindly let me stay for a while.

Forever yours,
Detha
P.S. I love you
dth Jul 2017
Dear Love,

It's three in the morning,
And I couldn't wish for anything
But your warmth right beside me.

Missing you always,
Detha
In the calm and the dark I wrote to you.
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