I cannot sit still, I cannot stop thinking
My body is fidgety, just picture me anxious
Butch finally called me back
Despite my lack
Of effort to meet her the first time she called
On the day of meeting her and all the gay community, she or her confidence did not seem flawed
I wanted to turn around, I wanted flee, I was so nervous, but to my surprise
The gay community was so warm and welcoming and butch’s firm handshake, poise, and intense glare had me hypnotized

Butch called and now I am in this room getting counseling and all my emotions are coming out
And now I’m feeling confused about school, friends, my sexuality, I don’t know who I am, I am having doubts
Butch better have a good solution for all these emotions she is making me spew out
Because now I’m feeling awful and I am having doubts, yeah I’m having some doubts

So it’s really hard for me to open up and talk because I’m so shy
But butch was nice and all, around her I felt comfortable, I never felt compromised
Butch is like my knight in shining armor or angel in disguise
If she wasn’t so much older than me, I would advert these eyes
So by the end of the session I’m feeling a little better
I have to give it up to butch, she is rather caring and cleaver

Butch called and now I am in this room with her behind a closed door
And I don’t feel so anxious anymore
I’m opening up and all my emotions are coming out
I’m slowly finding out who I am, I’m not having any more doubts
Butch called, butch called
And now I don’t feel so flawed
Butch helped all these emotions come to surface, helped them all come out
And now I feel I can handle anything, school, friends, my sexuality, I know who I am, I am no longer having doubts

I'm a manic depressant
Don't mind my mood swings 'cause by next week you're gonna be wondering where my good mood went
Sometimes I talk really fast
It's like the words are coming out of my ***
'Cause the thoughts are racing
And around the room I'm pacing
Heart feeling like it wants to come out of my chest
Haven't gotten any rest
For some days
Because of my bipolar ways
Don't mind me
It's just the bipolar side of me, the bipolar side of me
My mood just can't be
Don't runaway, don't runaway
It's just the bipolar side of me
I didn't mean to scream
But sometimes I just feel mean
If you knew what it was like inside me head
You wouldn't be judging me, but instead
You would be trying to help me
But sometimes I know you don't agree
With the way I act
But for a fact
It's the bipolar side of me
Don't mind me
It's just the bipolar side of me, the bipolar side of me
My mood just can't be
It's just the bipolar side of me

Senior year of high school
I was having some teenage issues
And started acting out
I wanted everyone to see my pain, feel my pain, I wanted everyone to hear me out
The school was concerned and attributed my acting out to my sexuality and demanded I seek help
They recommended I go to an LGBTQ youth center and talk to someone but I just brushed it off and thought this is crazy
So one day not expecting it I get a phone call from this lady
I guess she was from the gay and lesbian place ‘cause that’s what she said
She was a lesbian and said that she could help me get out of purgatory
That sounded nice and all but I was already there for three and a half years and gotten kind of used to the territory
I guess she was a butch
She sounded like a butch
She wanted me to come up there to talk
And I thought all man what the ****
I didn’t want to go up there, I wasn’t prepared
I didn’t know what to say, what to expect, I was scared
I was hoping I didn’t have to talk to her again
So I said if butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

Back on that day when she called
She asked a lot of questions
Questions I couldn’t answer
Being this young and confused wasn’t easy
Butch knows, she was there
I wasn’t ready to tell anyone what I was feeling inside, I didn’t think she would really care
Even though she sounded genuine I didn’t want to give her that chance to help me, I was full of abandonment issues and fear

So I said
If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

I don’t care, just tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

Butch only called back once
But no one was home
She never called back
But if she does
If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

Are you sad like Chris
Do you have so much anger and anxiety inside of you that you would do something stupid like slit your own wrist
Are you sad like Chris
Does no one understand you or understand where you’re coming from or where you want to be going
And how people’s insensitivity and lack of concern builds up frustration that just seems to keep growing
And find yourself stuck with memories of the good times you miss
Thinking about all the backstabbing friends that dissed
And every time they made you sad or ******
And most of them you kissed
Taking life as if it is one big risk
Sad like Chris
Unhappy with the way things are going for her
Just want someone to nurture her
Understand her
Love her
Show her
Things she could only think of, dream of
Everybody deserves a chance to be happy
No one should put their life at risk
Just because they are unhappy
But tell that to Chris

When I'm close to you
I could feel somewhat turned on
It's just odd because you're a guy
But it's just when I'm close to you
It just seems sometimes I can't
Seem to make up my mind

In my eyes this is not natural, no
I'm supposed to be lesbian
In other people's eyes this is not natural, no
But I'm not going to deny myself
**** what's in the eyes of others
What am I supposed to do
I can't let this pass

But when I'm close to you
I just want you
I never thought this would happen
But why pass this up
You're a guy and you turn me on

In my eyes this is not natural, no
I'm supposed to be lesbian
In other people's eyes this is not natural, no
But I'm not going to deny myself
**** what's in the eyes of others
What am I supposed to do
I just can't let this pass

Well if this is wrong
Well then let it be wrong
If this is wrong
I'd rather be bi

In everybody's eyes lesbians are not supposed to like guys, no
In everybody's eyes I can't like guys, no
In everybody's eyes this is not natural, no
Well **** what's in the eyes of others

Well if this is wrong
Then let it be wrong
If this is wrong
I'd rather be bi

I’m crying
But more likely I wish I was dying
Lately I’ve been feeling like ****
And yes I’m willing to let you hit
As we’re having *** I cry
And you **** me hard and grab my thigh
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Depressed ***
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Then I cry when you **** me up the *** next
Then you start to lick the tears off my skin
As I start to go crazy and wild ******* on your chin
You start slapping me around
Then throw me to the ground
Pushed me ups against the bed
Pulled my hair and forced me to give you head
Then I get up and go into a corner and start to cry
And think sometimes I just want to die
Then you come over and start grabbing and rubbing me
Oh yes keep doing that I plea
I love having *** when I’m depressed
Because you know how to give it me best
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Depressed ***
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Then I cry when you **** me up the *** next

She broke my heart
The only woman I ever really wanted broke my heart
How could she do this to me
Together I always wanted us to be
Now there is nothing left in me
She broke me
I’m in pieces
There is nothing left except for the pieces of me
I was just being honest and I told her how I felt and the outcome of it wasn’t so great
I feel like I would never get over her
My feelings for this other chick completely erased
Replaced with thoughts and feelings of the heartbreaker
I don’t think she intended to though
I think she was somewhat oblivious to what she was doing with all those wonderful things she said about me and then that look or stare she would give me dead in my eyes
And it would give me butterflies and turn me so on
I can’t distinguish the difference between love and lust
My heart I need to trust
I just need to know what differences in my feelings so I won’t become the heartbreaker