the most unsettling feeling
is seeing the place
that you once slept in,
cried in,
ate in,
stripped bare of everything that made it yours.
knowing that should you ever return,
it will have a new personality,
a different setup,
eyes that aren't yours glancing over
what will eventually become
just another table in the way
of the DVD player.

the most liberating feeling
is turning from that place,
and realizing that soon you will be
sleeping, eating, crying
in new rooms,
rooms made yours
simply because you call it home.

may you always have a table in the way of something
because home is where you throw your shoes off at the door
and sleep, cry, eat, love, fight.

chew me up,
spit me out,
this seems to be
all that you're about.

pulverize me in your jaw
a crunch, a snap,
expel me on the wall.

watch me drip,
watch me run,
put me on display,
critique me endlessly for fun.

i guess i forgot
that underneath your muscles,
your lean, mean attitude,
you are merely flesh and bones.

i guess i forgot
that behind those wary eyes,
the ones that saw me for me,
there are tears, waiting to fall.

i guess i forgot
that i had any weapons
which could pierce your toughened heart,
and i used them in the cruelest way.

i guess i forgot
that you aren't going to call,
but i know, before i even dial,
that you aren't going to answer.

is it cold without my love to wrap around yourself?

spiders crawl through holes
in my skin.
i spray repellents, but
they still get in.
skating patterns below my flesh-
so very thin.
leaving residual paths of terror,
i can't tell where they're going.
but i itch, scratch, tear at where they've been.