his grip on my thighs become the reason
i lie about the boys of summertime
and their sweaty hands that trail my tan spine
which turn into sharp knives come wintertime
as snowflakes fall to the hardened ground
i remember my body against yours
and the burning embers of our red love
in fall it dims and dims and dims more
until its black against the white ground
black like the nights we snuck out our homes
and found each other with the white of flashlights
the sun rises before we're ready
winter comes before we're ready
our burning fire turns to cold cold ash

mother, why?
i know you carried me for 9 months
well a little less...
i was born early

but, why?
why do you act this way?
why do you treat me like this?
why?

i understand
i can definitely be aggravating
and annoying
and frustrating

but, why?
why do you do this?
why do you say that?
why dont you see it?

you act as if i was the worst thing
youve ever encountered
i look at you sometimes,
and i dont see my mother

but, why?
why dont i see my mother?
why dont you like me?
why dont you care?

i know that i dont do everything you ask
i know its hard nowadays
i know that you can get very mad
i know this

but, why?
why dont you hear me?
why dont you want to know about me?
why dont you just listen?

i know why
you have a lot on your plate
you have more important things to do
you have other people in your life

you choose to ignore me
unless you need something
you dont hear my cries for you
but, why?

Even on your worst day
You shine like a thousand suns
If only you knew
How blinded I am
By how flawless you are
And why every syllable
I utter about you is the truth
When I describe you
From your head to your toes
I am speaking from the basement
Of my heart
Where I house memories
Of our first nights together
And our last nights
Where I fell in love
With your laugh
And the way you know yourself
Better than I know myself
And at night I pray
You never lose that spark
Deep inside of you
That caused a spark to ignite in me
Which will burn in my heart
And travel through every crevice
Of my soul
Until my heart has had enough
And suddenly stops on a dime
Never to beat again
For you
Or myself

She laughs too hard 
She laughs too much 
But she's waiting for death 
And lives to die another day 

She believed in faeries 
And rainbows
Glitter made everything glow 
And laughing made everything seem okay

She forgets too less
And pretends too hard 
So she runs as fast as she can 
From the past 

Until her lungs burn 
Then places her hands on her chest
To feel her heart thump
Like the fear of giving up