sitting
outside
i allow myself
a breath
through the pain

the wind
moving
alive and free
pitter patters
against my face

the sunlight
feels anew
but diluted;
thoughts
clouding beauty

i pull myself
open
asking for warmth
yet, cool breezes
push by

i ache
for a touch
of the sun;
so much,
i’d die for it

you smothered me
for crying
too loud

it doesn’t exist
because it is
so locked away
so far away
from prying eyes

peeping toms
and nosy nancys
see only a wall;
they never realize...
i’m on the other side

i am safe
in the grey areas
outside of memory
so i, too
see only a wall

i keep myself
stuck, trapped
here,
between memory
and the now

i still feel it
but the memory
isn’t here
why did you tell me
not to forget

28 strings hanging from above, teetering and creaking with each of my steps.

The wood below feels as if sand seeps into my skin, making the next heavier, and heavier.

When did the world decide to become so clever?

The marionette is unnamed although the disease is written clearly across the fogged bathroom mirror.

I avert my eyes from the truth as though I could never decipher.

A slap to the face and a fluid ounce of love is all it took,
two floating hands to fix my gaze upon all I could, my own life book.

I suddenly could hear the willows whipping and dripping wet in the rain outside the brook, I was no longer deaf to the pain I caused and took.

The mental games we play are never far from the outsides the lines of our life's coloring book.

Climb to the tallest line of the page with your grappling hook.

It only takes one outside and unbiased look and the keys to the castle are unhooked.

Where you gone...






why you left...

why you traveled....

its not easy to live into this world...

not easy to be here while you not...

so hard i am suffering right now...

your absence i can't bear...

can't stand with...

so dark days and nights...

even when i am among all...



sweetheart...

we are in love...

and its not a guess...

its a reality which we lived...

we promised each others...

there is a covenant between our hearts...

its an agreement forever...

no one can repeal it..

we promised on that...

even its carved into our hearts both...



so ,,,

why you traveled...

why you left...

did you really meant it...

i can't bear those nights after you...

long darkest nights,your absence...

long they are ,no life ,no air...

only tears eyes....

weary body and mind...

and so pains into my heart...



sweetheart...

here i am waiting as i promised you...

here waiting to your coming back...

come sweetheart..

take me away from my darkest night...

and hug me so tight...

i am missing you so much...

Hazem Al Jaber ...