It's not that
I didn't know what I had
It's just that
I never thought I'd lose it

I am 17
An average teen age girl
I hangout with friends
and I'm dating a football player

Just like any other 17 year old
I have a cell phone
And yes I jump up and down
Every time I get a new follower
On any social site I have an account on

And just like any other 17 year old
I forgot the meaning of life
In fact I don't think I knew life had a meaning

I was born into a life filled with four things
Greediness
Technology  
Money
And Selfishness

In this life
That I was so unfortunately born into
We pay more attention to a new tweet
Than to the loving man whom created us

In this life
We worry more about a new instagram follower
Than too a mother dyeing with cancer
And instead of reading the word of God to a dyeing mother
We check to see if we have a new snapchat

In this life
People call themselves Christians
And they don't even go to church

Open your eyes
Do you see that darkness surrounding your life?
Turn that to light
Read the Bible
Instead of twitter
Keep up with our creator
Instead of a follower

Once there was girl who locked herself in a world
A world filled with butterflies, ocean breezes and sunrise
She hides from reality

In her world it's only pure good
She lives in a castle
And spends her days riding unicorns
And swimming with dolphins

In reality she was touched inappropriately as a small girl
By a big man

Now she is 17 and is loved by a highschool crush
Oh and the big man
Sits in a cell with a even bigger man
Who does to him what he did to that little girl

1:27am
September 1st
I just read something I did not want to read
You feel useless
You feel like nothing
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me?
I am not an almost lover of yours
I am your lover
My heart beats only for you
You've given me a ring
That sits on my left hand
Placed in the only figure with a vane leading to my heart
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me you felt like giving up?
I am yours
And you are mine
I never ask you for anything
But I would like it if you told how you feel
Please lover
Is that too much to ask?
Dont be mute
1:27am
September 1st
I just read something I did not want to read
You feel useless
You feel like nothing
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me?

Beloved*
help me
open my eyes with loving attention
so I may see the world with a lover's heart.

Your llove is nectarous
Yes I said nectarous
It is of nature
It is delicious and sweet
Your love is courageous
It is brave and fearless
Your love is bold
Your love is daring
Your love is lionhearted
Your love is venturesome
Your love is kind
Your love is beautiful
Your love is perfection

*but most importantly your love is mine.

I'm digging a hole deep and wide
I'll bury my love for you inside
then I'll fill it in, right to the top
and stamp it down, in hope to stop
these feelings that stumble from my core
and silence them forever more.

I'm building a wall as high as I might
behind it I'll hide my heart and my light
some stones once removed, now back, standing tall
they'll keep me within and forbid me to fall.

I'll paint on my smile, cherry red beaming wide
I'll laugh when expected, though empty inside
I'll move through this life like I haven't a care
but if you look closely
You'll see I'm not there.

the end
drew me back to
the unknown
into grey matter
before anything turns
I ran away,
I took all of them
as if all memories are to throw

renewing the thoughts
deleting the past
saved on my camera roll -
your crystal clear candid shots
into sleepless metaphors
the nights you stole

with our brief barely breathing history
time seemed to align
where it flew
I was not sure how it went
the drinks, the laughs
those that came out our lungs

and the gust of sighs where i lost my mind
with our touching eyesights
we began