Young blood
Old soul
In pieces
Awaiting death
Come soon

is when every single word you say and write is carefully crafted
to tell people you need help
because how do you tell someone you think about death daily?
and you want nothing more for someone to look into your eyes and say
talk to me
you are not okay
i care
and no one notices
you are replaceable
you are unwanted
they ask you if you are okay because it is polite
but they don't ask you if you are okay
they don't care
and i guess it's just the realisation that at the end of the day,
no one does.
your death simply will not affect them.
so why not?

i feel like a soul
trapped in a body
that is trapped in a mundane, sad life
and i need a weapon
to break this body open
so that my soul come spilling out and i can be free

oh what should my weapon be?
so many choices
so little time
before the time bomb in my mind explodes
leaving me a mess of thoughts and emotions
resurfacing repressed memories
makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop
the demons have been let out of their cage again
and they're here to play
tugging on my heartstrings
constricting my throat
crawling under my skin begging me to join them
it's so easy, you can do it i know you can just hold on tightly, pull the trigger, that's right, you're doing so well
we'll see you on the other side

you did not see me crumblin
                                                    g
under the weight of my thoughts
you did not see the tear slip down,
rolling down my cheek

maybe you did not care.
maybe i'm tired of always being the second choice
maybe i want to feel important and loved and worthy
and maybe you can't do that for me
and maybe that's okay
i've lived my entire life like this,
what's a while more?

thank you for being there during all the good times,
they were few and far in between but
you were there i guess.
you were always there.

just never when i needed you most

i need someone to let me know i'm not a mistake,
that i can be loved,
that i won't be the only one in my group of friends left alone,
that i am worthy.
i need someone who can hold me tightly
and remain calm during those nights i end up crying.
crying because i start thinking and never stop
crying because i'm so tired of giving and getting nothing in return.
i need someone who can understand this constant void i feel in my soul
i need someone who will understand me and accept me,
flaws and all

And when i saw your name there
I no longer felt the oh so familiar
Butterflies in my stomach
Tugging at my heartstrings
Chaining me down
Clamming me up everytime i glnaced at you
Sneaking glances
Doing everything to get your attention
Saying hi when you never really gave a ****
And then I learned more about you,
About differences that we could never overcome
I heard a few negative things about you
And i
Convinced myself that they were all wrong
You were perfect, velvety and smooth
You were you
You could do no wrong
But then i witnessed it
Something so trivial and yet
It shook me out of this trance i was in,
Opened up my eyes to all your flaws
We all have flaws
But some of yours were inexcusable to me.
And then i came across your name again
And i
Felt nothing
And then,
I smiled.