My tuberculosis infected heart
spits blood
and
stays away from light
lives in humidity causing fungus growing
In my inside.

My tb infected heart caughs from all its holes
at night
it never sleeps
nevear eats
it's lost it's appetite for people and joy
and laughs

My tb infected heart will die soaked
in smoke
they'll burn its bed, its clothes
every crumble of feelings
and I will be left naked
with blood stains on my skin

My tb infected heart
lives in isolation
between walls of mirrors reflecting
the misery of my mind
It lives in fear and shame
hungrily waiting for death to come
for them to burn its bed.

You saw me crying tears
I'm not okay
Don't let me go
Don't let me walk away

How can I know this is true?
Can't open my heart up again to be abused
You got another love on your mind
You made promises
But how can I know we'll pull through?

You say the stars have aligned
But I can't shake this cynicism from my mind
You're all heart
and I'm all brain
But this overthinking has got me to the brink of going
Insane

Dress me in pearls and tie my hair in a bow
I try to be feminine
But I truly know
That I want to be strong
And there is nothing wrong
with a woman
who can be happy on her own

I want to be happy on my own
But honestly, sometimes that can be lonely
And sure, you get on my nerves,
So why do I miss you holding me?

You've got big eyes just like a child's
Full of sadness and hope
You don't understand how hard it is for me to give my heart up
You'll probably hurt me too
So what's the point of going through with this?

Time only makes bonds stronger
So, there's no point for me to stick around any longer
I wish I could tell you that I care
I really do
But I need you to leave
Before I fall too hard for you

Might as well deal with the pain now
Before time passes and the
pain of severance is
unbearable
Deeming my heart irreparable
Just hold me in your arms one last time
Cuz I've already come up with all the reasons I have to say goodbye

You heard me cry
And you ignored me
I still have a sore heart
Even though you said sorry
Just don't worry
It'll all be over soon
Too bad this hurts too much,
I really wanted to love you.

painkillers for the body
and painkillers for the soul
I've wasted them all.
I fell into the darkness for which
I thought there was no cure.

Desperate, in denial,
laying on a dying bed
was waiting and waiting in silence
to be brought back from the dead.

And then your memory came again
a pale moon in the black sky
I found deep down in the darkness
a reason to get up.

I was lost in the night
until you taught me how to love the sun
cause you are but a shadow on my heart
and shadows can't exist without light

I like the way his arms tighten around my waist,
and when his breathe comes down in soft puffs
around my neck,
I like when his fingers find mine,
or when he cups my face
and brushes his lips so lightly;
against my own,
that I feel like he isn't real
He pokes at my side,
and makes me squeal with laughter so genuine,
I can't believe it's mine
He guides me to a house,
the lights are on
and music is blaring,
I pour an unfamiliar substance;
down my throat,
and then another,
and another
Until I grab onto a hand and giggle,
when they touch me,
But my breathes get shallow
as they connect their too plump lips,
onto my cracked lips;
Because they aren't his,
and they don't cup my face with their calloused hands,
So I push them off and run,
I run into the forest and see shadows around me,
Their hands find my neck,
and I struggle to breath,
Through my eyes I see black dots,
and then I see liquid,
It's just water
But it's not,
and there was no him,
and there was no house,
and no too plump lips,
there is just me,
Sitting up in bed,
rubbing at my eyes,
hearing the screams and shatters of glass downstairs,
and I wonder if it would ever be,