The world to a blind is dark
The pain to a senseless is void
Sound to a deaf is silence
Maybe all we see, hear, feel
is some imagination send to mind
as an electrical pulse on nerves.

Sometimes
The daydream of desired second chances
Is easier on the soul
Than accepting
That you’re lost in the heart of someone
With their mind on another

How is it
That I love him
Completely
Yet when the moon is bright
I think of you still

For some reason
I still believe
You are one of a kind
For some reason
I still want you
To soften my downs
And decorate my highs
But most of all
I‘m holding on
To the reason
To be able
Living without

My fear became real
My love for you gone
My eyes dry
You disappear
In my mind
I hold you tight but
The feeling I feel
Deep inside me
No one should know
My biggest fear
As a secret
I keep it
My dear
I don’t want to lose you

And for a short time baby
You made me believe
That in reality
There can still be
A fairytale lived

Okay, so maybe I haven't showered since Monday,
way behind on ALL of my assignments, didn't even finish half of my essay which is due in 17 minutes
BUT
I still got out of bed
I wrote the outline for the paper
I saved two honey bees with paper and a Starbucks cup
that's something.
It barely counts as functioning, but it kind of does.
I am trying

I am breathing

I am doing the best I can

And that has to be enough, it has to be enough for today. Because right now that kind of all Ive got. Oh geez 14 minutes, to be honest I am kind of panicking.... She gonna go over my essay and be disappointed, I want to run. I cant run, if I run then I get another zero. If I get another zero- Okay okay. Stop! Breathe, good. Youre spiraling more than if you give a mouse a cookie. What is your life now "If you give Carissa a 0,"? Deep breaths me, deeeeeep breaths.  

See now I am trying REALLY hard not to spiral and all of these random anxieties are flitting through my head and everytime I go for one I let go of another. 10 minutes


10 minutes
whoooh boi
I am not ready

on a daily basis
my brain reminds me,
"you'll never fit in".
sometimes i believe it.
but once in a while i realize,
i'm not a puzzle piece.
i will never be.
i wasn't born to fit in this giant puzzle.
perhaps we could all just coexist.