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my cousin always gets a new puppy when the last grows up incorrectly:
misbehaving while she's gone,
wrecking home and belongings.

that is how you feel
no, not special or an isolated circumstance
don't bloat yourself on the idea that you are unique to me --
you are every other boy who thinks with his ****
every other boy who seemed playful and innocent
and grew to destroy home and belongings...

this arm belongs to me, this breast
this neck
these thighs
you wreck every one
smiling in your play

i do discard you,
but not before you damage me...
and there is always another
ahead.
My journey begins with my family of four, in my dark room in the comfort of my home. At times when I'm alone thoughts would consume me forming skeptical illusions. I did my best to keep control of my senses, but every single time something kept pulling me back. I soon became aware of my spiritual battle, and how my family was at risk. Keeping my loving family together was my concern, refusing to repeat the cycle of pain again. My young boys looked up to me, watching them play, laugh, and eat embraced me with motivation. Everyday was a fight not with my woman or kids, but with the devastating world. I wasn't meeting my standards, I was slowly loosing track, eventually I fell from my feet. The Devil was loose I could feel him near, my love strayed away from thw truth. My dreams and accomplishments I threw them all away. Making the world a better place was my motive, but I happened to build conflict within myself. Everything transformed I couldn't settle things right for myself. My love was deceived by the beast, reasoning with her became a hell. She turned into someone I was unable to recognize any longer. She was vulnerable to the wicked operations penetrating her heart, and crushing down her soul. Tears were shed, blood was dripped, scars were made, things were broken, painful words were spoken. I should of left when I had the chance, but how can I her soul was entwined with mine, her hearts been torn apart, beaten down, ripped apart, stepped all over. Her soul was under attack, so I did not turn my back at this moment. It hurt watching her get lost in despair, agony, and frustration. The Devil came around wrapping her in chains, her feelings died, strangers became best friends, loved ones became insignificant, what was once important became a thing in the past. We had precious moments, good times, unforgettable memories spent together although things did not last she is a wonderful woman. She was easily pulled away, drifting towards a secular careless lifestyle, giving up her morals and self respect. I wish things would have turned out differently, neutral by far establishing a sincere friendship atleast for the sake of our boys, however I can't blame her for it, even if she is the one to blame. I can only let time pass, and watch as her eyes open to the truth, and realize her deception.
You were my angel
Covered me in every angle
Brought true happiness
Unexplainable fuzziness
Men if only I can stand
I promise I wont pretend
Be with you till the end
You brought the best in me
And left the worst in me
Dreams turned to nightmares
Days turned into nights
My world turned upside down
Smiles became a gloomy frown
Still today you hold the crown
My queen of my magical dream
Can I eat you up like ice cream?
I Love You, wherever you are, faraway...
If the only place I can have you is in my dreams, I'd sleep forever <3
My little baby boy
Aqui estoy nunca me voy
You fill my heart with joy
Santiago mi hijo ese soy yo
If you need it te lo doy
No tengas miedo papas
I'm always with you dadas
Te cargo en mi kora
A toda hora mi alma te adora
No te pongas triste
Solo felicidad me traiste
No temas ni llores
Everything's gonna be fine
Bottom line yo no me venso
I don't trust no one
Including myself
I figured a little too late
How societies operate
I can't speak with strangers
Never know could be danger
Watching my back
For backstabbers
My back hurts everyday
My bones crack everyday
My neck is pain to the brain
My body posture is broken

Although my physical is weak
My spirit maintains strong
I question everything
I question my life
I question my past
I question this world
I question for answers
I question what I don't know
I question myself
I question in search of light
I question first impression
I question every session
I question their reason
I question every season
I question their treason
I question where is the love
I question why all the hate
I question the state of mind
I question all the time
I question way back in time
I question for you, me, all of us...
Minority
Narcotic
Overdose
Vicious
Extremity
Mastered
Bewildered
Eccentric
Retrospective

My Birth
My Autumn
My Death

Number Nine
Novembers Night
Never Nepotism
Nocturnal Neatness
No Negligence
Neptune's Near

My Fall
My Existence
My Anatomy
My Reincarnation
I'm thankful very grateful
You became my friend
Who saved my life for eternity
Although it wasnt expected
I guess my heart needed

Real pain from a living love
In the end, never did I pretend
Only when I hid my feelings
I wasn't ready, I was scared
I was truly afraid of loosing you

It would change our ways
I didn't want things to change
Make things complex strange
But it's okay, you made me happy
Once upon a time

Even if you were never mine
Bottomline I'm thankful
However, I can't forget, I was sad
I needed your shoulder
As my heart grew colder & older...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wuYdtC0UuNk
Chemistry is what they called it
You're the reason for my motivation
Im blessed to feel love for the first time
Even if it brought pain, I wont complain
Id rather have known how it felt than had I never
I wont deny, I was shy, and nervous
Maybe quiet, dishonest when I denied my feelings
My visits to your happy home, your voice sweet tone
Left me alone, feelings slowly grown
I wish I had you, next to me, holding you tight
I will be by your side, through every single fight
You don't how much pain, I felt
Your heart was tender, soft, kind, and fragile
Everynight I would cry, tears face down, on my pilow
I pushed away a precious angel, sent from heaven
I'm sorry I didnt take that chance
I apologize, for emotionally hurting you
I just wanted to feel your heartbeat, next to mine
Your hands wrapped around me, holding tight
Like the times, you layed on my chest
The times you would doll up, make up, dress up, for me
Eye shadow, eye liner, your fine hair in a pony tail
And the little things you do, when I came around
Blush, turn red, blood rushing to the head
I would loose my breathe, my heart accelerated
My body quivers from your energys presence
I know I caused it to fall apart
We can always take it back to the start
Its all up to us, we make it happen only the two of us
We been strong for so long, its time
You place your heart, where it belongs...
Dont be afraid to love unconditionally
Feels my pain
On a rainy day
Speaking winds
Where have you been?

Travel unseen
Breaking through
My heart fights
My brain wont give up

My clouds full of water
Commence to pour tear drops
Cleansing life resurrecting hope
Attacking in millions

Feeding mother earth
Trees, plants, animals
Covering my tearz
Thoughts begin to clear

Water strikes my skin
Neutralizing ice cold
My soul comforts to unfold
My sky My cry Never lie

People avoid my pouring rain
Shutting down closing doors
While I soar ready to explore
My skies transform heavy grey

Hoping it can last and forever stay...
- Hands, Nose, Feet Shiver Freeze Numb Ice
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