Do I love you?
I can't tell you
Am I happy
I don't know

Will I stay with you forever?
That's a long time
I don't know

I'm the king of keeping secrets
I'm the best since time began
I'm lost here, and I'm searching
I am me, but, a new man

Love me for the man I am
Don't love the man I was
I don't know what that man was like
I don't know the man you lost
Love me as I am now
I won't remember anyway
Don't love the man I was before
Love the man I am today

I smile and remember
Thoughts and visions
mostly blurred
Words and place
not remembered
Memories shaken
but not stirred


I'm still here in this body
Don't know exactly who I am
Was I good when I did know me
Or am I better as I am

Don't tell me to remember
My memories are dust
What once was steel and solid
Has quickly died and turned to rust

I can't love you as I once did
Tomorrow I won't know your name
You may love me now, forever
But, do you love me quite the same

I'm the king of keeping secrets
I'm the one that you can tell
Nothing in here is remembered
In this empty, aging shell

I can't wait for the summer again when:
I can stand in a big open field and look up at the sky with the sun setting in the West, slipping down the trees and through holes in the horizon until it's bled away into the atmosphere.

*I can't wait for the summer again when:
I can stand on a hill at dusk and breath in the air that smells faintly like brush fire and soft woodsmoke, tinted with the summery tang of ripening fruit; peaches to be exact.

I can't wait for the summer again when:
I can wake up on the early mornings where the fog veils the trees like wispy lace, scented like lavender and rain, mixing the air like watercolours, swirling pinks and blues and purples together to create a pallet.

I can't wait for the summer again when:
I can sit on my front porch and watch the sky explode with lightning during a thunderstorm, illuminating the fronts of houses and my driveway, drenching everything in purple and white light.

I can't wait for the summer again when:
I can be free.

Before I begin, allow me to explain,
I too loved.. once,
so think of me not as some cynic-
nor as a master in the ways of love-
but rather as a keen observer-
now, that may mean I have nothing to offer you-
no insider knowledge-
no secrets of love-

But I do  know how to tell a true love story -

Interested?
Fantastic-
So let’s begin,

True love, if there is such a thing at all,
is like the thread that makes the cloth
you can’t tease it out-
you can’t extract meaning-
without ending up deeper in the web-
and it always remains-
hidden under layers -

In the end, that’s all you can really say about any
True love story-
They don’t generalize-
They don’t analyze-
They arent found-
They just… happen.

and that’s what makes them “true.”

But what is this coveted “love” -
the emotion?-
the act?-
the mentality?-

Love, is a constant state of illusionment-

A collective agreement amongst humans-
that it, whatever it may be,  can be treated as an excuse
for recklessness, irrationality, and misplaced strife-  

A quid pro quo  between two individuals-
to agree that they are doing something-
anything-
other than mindlessly drudging through life-

Now that is not to say that what love creates is pointless-
I said before, I have felt the embrace of love
Love festers between individuals for so long
it has no option-
but to mould the physical to itself-
and alter our personalities-

Characterized by spontaneity-
by indulgence-
by risk-
to love is the most dangerous experience in existence-
the act of being fully vulnerable with another-
while promising not to hurt them the same-

Love is characterized by vulnerability-
and the constant fear of being hurt-

So you want to know how to write a true love story?
be honest-
dwell not on the “romantic” blindfolds that keep us irrationally seeking our partners-
dwell not on the on the memories of a love that blossomed-
reveal the core of love -

A true love story comes from gut instinct-
A true love story, comes from experience.
A true love story, if truly told, makes the stomach believe

So I said I loved once,
allow me to elaborate-

I too have felt the “butterfly stomach”
- where the insides of the lovestruck turn on their host and manifests the emotional significance of meeting “the one”

I too have spent the day daydreaming...
-Lost in the thought of “the one”, seeking brief breaks from reality in my mind between moments of  utter normalcy

I too have melted into a puddle of emotion….
-lying next to “the one” as we slowly spill more and more of the secrets that bound us as individuals, joining a spirit much larger than ourselves-

I too have felt... invincible-
-to know that I’ve found something more significant than myself. Something that replaces the fear of the future.. and makes it something to look forward to.

Yes, I too have fallen in love.
and I did just that-
I fell.





..And that is my true love story-

all i ever wanted is
to kiss you good morning and good night
everyday,
and i promise i wont get tired telling and showing you
how much i love you

because i really do

*b.a

there were gladness and greetings
in our 730th day together
pink boxes and victorian styles
with silky white ribbons on top
covered with happiness
and given with love
you know what i want
you know what i feel
and you know that
it is always real
and i love you

*b.a

if you cannot keep your word
don't expect that
i'll keep mine too

*b.a

i should just stop at this point
                                          m        y         

                 p            o              e        t         r             y

                                i                     s                  

               f     a       l        l         i         n          g


                                              a
p             ­                                                          a
                   r                             t

I shall stop it
because its more depressing
and i would rather not talk more
and depress more people about it.