I hope for a time of freedom
and liberation from you.

I hope for a time when your words
will not matter and your thoughts, too.

I hope for a time to bring new love
and memories that will push you away.

You never pushed.
You never pulled.
You sat there
while I scrambled.

All I asked was to be loved
the way I did you -unconditionally.

So, yes, I dare to hope for someone
the opposite of the complete you.

There hangs a cross
in my room,
of wire, shoe polish,
and of you.

A heavenly sign
sent from above,
it brought life and
it brought love.

There hangs a cross
in my room,
of wire, shoe polish,
and of you.

An ungodly sign
with a history of blood
that now brings death and
now brings a grudge.

I was looking
for you
in the eyes of another.
You weren't there.

Still I went back.

I spoke of you
to his dreams
as he drunk of your water.
You weren't there.

Still I went back.

I felt the roughness
of your touch
in his kiss.
Soon it exploded.

Still I went back.

You were never there.
You never came back.
You were always fading.
But still I went back.

For you will never leave
for you are always here.

It was lily white
on the darkest black,
as we slept,
intertwined.

It was lily white
covering the darkest black,
when you saw my
deepest inside.

It was lily white
piercing the darkest black,
as your mouth
touch my thigh.

It is the darkest black
drowning lily white
when my thoughts turn
to whoever is kissing you.

I fell in love with a pyromaniac.
The way he lit my heart on fire
and danced in the ashes
of a distant memory.

The way he lit my mind with words
of warmth and comfort
and reveled in the red shine
of my cheeks.

The way he burned down and destroyed
centuries of ice and cold and
loved every
destructive blow.

Still a pyromaniac does not know
when to stop and
soon
he lost control.

Now his fire is my ruin
and his words my downfall.

He ran from the ashes
of a girl he coaxed
from the recesses
of her cold self.

Still I ran after
and burned myself on the way.

Was I that easy to forget?
Were my kisses just merely that?
Was my love that weak?
Were you just that cheap?

Because I remember you
scent.
lips.
love.

You have forgotten.
moved on.
seen new ones.
been stripped clean.

You never thought I was right
but here it is; in my darkest day
my correct answer shining bright.
I loved more; now what can I say?

As the cold circle closes in on my back,
I shut my eyes.
In a soundless world
the deafening click can be heard.

She places the cold against my skin
and my body responds by leaning in.
It cuts, not unpleasantly, into me.
Time slows to nothing
as the life-giving bullet travels
at the speed of my thoughts.

It pierces.
It punctures,
It relieves.
It revels.

As I fall I turn.
I open my eyes
and stare at my salvation.
It was Life.

It was Life
that killed me.