Remember when we were gasses
floating in our space?

Till we mixed together
creating the human race.

I'm afraid of dying alone.
I'm afraid of how I'm always the one
Who reaches out to loved ones first.
Like they're more comfortable apart from me
Than I am from them.
And it becomes a chore, a conscious decision
To not obsess over how long it's been since we've spoken,
And if it means they don't like me or they're just busy.
I'm terrified of everything shortening my life span
Or the quality of the time I have left.
How severely I'm impacted by my own wilting body
And how many goals it means will be left unticked.
Sometimes when it's night, and the world is covered in silence,
I wish to myself that I'd never existed.
Such a waste to be given life and to spend it all
On illness, misery and loneliness.
I'm scared of dying alone,
But I'm more scared of living alone.
And I am living alone.

I do not wish

To disguise

The tears-

They furrowed

Who I am

I tell myself that this is it,
when the day is done.
When I wake I'll start anew,
but tomorrow never comes.

Tomorrow becomes today
more quickly than the last,
more quickly than the bottles empty
more weeks and months go past.

I buy the drink, the drink buys me
another day to run.
The demons waiting patiently
for when the day is done.

Tomorrow becomes today;
I waste it like before,
I waste it getting wasted,
but I'm wasting so much more

My friends, my health, my family
and those I cherish most;
watch the boy they used to love,
becoming just a ghost.

Tomorrow becomes today,
I may have missed it all,
I may have missed the last chance
just to never miss last call

I tell myself that this is it
when the day is done,
but the circle remains unbroken
and tomorrow never comes.

In the late hours of the night
Every so often I feel a rush of urgency
To live
A stalking shadow seems to always appear
Reminding me that each moment
Reminding me each breathe
Is a step closer to the inevitable
A second closer to what seems to be
Nothing
My mind starts to race
Flashes of what had already passed
Brought back to life for a moment
Then put back in place
Has it been enough?
When the sun comes do I try harder?
Do I even wait for the morning?
What's the point?
The only comfort I can find
Is that I'm not in this alone

You send the rain
and the Earth drinks.

But our thirst for love
you quench with fire.

You were with me at my best
I wish you were with me at my worst
That was when i needed you the most
I was lost and confused
My soul broken and bruised
My life in complete shambles
How i longed to hear your voice..that sweet reassuring voice
How i longed for your touch..that healing, loving touch
I hoped and prayed that you would come
That you would look at me and make the pain go away
That you would softly whisper in my ear-'it's gonna be okay...i'm here for you'
But you never did...
...you just never did
Night after night...
...it was just me and my tears and no one else..
...no one else

some are born of love
many from a one-sided ******.

Is it possible
to care too much?
Even when
pieces of hope fall away
like parts of a derelict house,
yet belief endures.
Outside logic's doors
deep within
the heart and soul
I swear, beyond the grave.
And so it is no.
It's not possible
to care too much.

                             By Phil Roberts