the roof leaks
so we catch the rain
with buckets
the neighbors are loud
so we sleep with earplugs
sometimes
there's construction on the street below
so we learn to ignore the sound
of hammers and saws
the money has vanished
so we make due
with what we have

My heart aches from your words
Don’t make assumptions of me
when you don’t know who I am,
only what I reflect of you
We’re moving too fast
Emotionally I’m unstable
Mentally unable to understand
why I feel such grief at the
idea of happiness within
my reach? Because on the
other side there is terror
of unknown waters, and I
will definitely sink instead
of swim because my legs are
tired of kicking back the demons
of uncertainty; drowning in
my own ocean of sobs,
all because I’m sensitive to
the pain of others, and I want
to hurt none or leave anyone
to ache as I do; so I hoard all
of me and what I give to you—
serenity dissolving to apologies
when I owe nobody but me.

I gave you my seed and my heart
We created someone wonderful
Innocent, void of dark
I haven't forgotten the good times we've had
I, above all, want to be a better dad
I support you for being a good mother to our son
The pain we've inflicted on each other cannot be undone
We still continue to hurt each other
As we keep playing this winnerless game
Our son will end up as the biggest loser
As long as you remain an abuser
We both still have a lot to learn too
The scars of my heart
Will forever burn
Although
I have already forgiven you
You still blame me for everything
Because you refuse to take responsibility
For anything
But a misguided plan
And I wait for the day that you understand
Something, one thing, anything
About me and the feet that have walked this land
Your abuse of my trust and lack of respect
Take away my breath
I've learned a lot from my experience with you
Now I know what not to do
To never let myself again fall in love with someone
like you
Despite our differences
I still want your life to be better
So maybe someday you can be happy
Because you obviously aren't
And that is no life to feed a heart
This you only deserve because you are a good mother to our son
Maybe if you can learn to be a good person to other people as well
You can earn your happiness like a real woman
And maybe
One day you'll forgive me too

I stand in the center of a balance beam,
Between what you want and think I need.
I am lost, still in search of me.
How can I save you?
Your honeyed words in my mind.
Sticky with the memory of your sickly, sweet lies.
You claim love but how can I find,
The truth behind these words, I have tried.
Do you know who I am?
Do you know that I'm lost, still in search of me?
How can I save you?
You smile your broken smile at me still as bright as the sun.
While your eyes tell a story of the hurt that's been done.
And I want to hug you until your smile becomes one,
And kiss your eyes until they see nothing but love.
But you don't know.
You don't know that I'm lost.
Still in search of me.
You don't know that I can't save you.

I wanted to write
about that sweet spot
the lowest part of
a woman's back
where my hand rests
after making love
where I trace my palm
up and down
that same perfect curve
over and over
my favorite place

But here I am again
again and again
full of anxiety
your trespasses
firmly rooted
in my mind
my heart
still can't
understand what
happened to it
so I make this "art"
instead

good grades
   good meals
Good life
  Pretty
Good people around/family
  Good guy whos kinda there for me

Your beauty is unmatched
your essence unscathed
you could wrap me in your curls
and leave me bound for days
The thick bristles on your face
resemble a forest to discovery,
your mouth a cave to explore
lighting the way with electricity
generating from our rapport
Sweeter than a glob of icing
on the last slice of cake—
Your twisted expressions
make my chest quake
You’re a lot to take in—clean cut nails
and pasty speckled skin; the
trail of hair on your belly and
your form soundly sleeping
where our motions had been
Now you are far a fields away
frolicking in colorless grass,
lost and in denial of what
you could have made last.