To the kid in the hallway telling his friend
"Maybe you need a **** whistle."
And to her response, a sarcastic
"Matt, **** jokes aren't funny."
You're **** right they aren't
Tell me, how is anyone forcing themself onto another person funny?
How are the I don't want tos when her "no" couldn't scream loud enough funny?
How are the ****** thighs and bruised hips funny?
How is the waking up in the middle of the night
How are the flashbacks and her wailing funny?
How is the seven year-old who had so much anxiety she'd tear her hair out
Or a sixteen year-old who kept eyeliner and a kitchen knife side by side in her purse funny?
It's about as funny as a slaughterhouse full of pigs taunting the other pigs
And telling them their approaching doomsday is amusing.
I dug my key into the palm of my hand like a knife when I heard this jeer
Clenching and unclenching a fist
Because I knew if I did not
That hand would go right through your faces.
You do not know the impact of your words
You see, for a survivor
Jokes about ****** assault are triggers.
They bring back every memory
Which becomes a stinging tear behind an eyeball
Fighting not to emerge from its home.
When I say something
Classically I am being "too sensitive"
Just as I was "too sensitive"
When he told me to get on top of him
And I said no
So much courage mustered up in a little body
I could have moved mountains that day
I could have been my own goddess
At seven years old
But he did not care
He was bigger than me
And he imposed that will onto my body
Reducing my childlike frame to the size of a fly
Being swatted by the paw of a lion.
I will not be silent
So when you tell a **** joke and I am in earshot
Do not expect me to laugh
Because there is nothing funny about a slaughterhouse.

I hammer will into wealth.
I harden principles,
sharpen my sense of
value.

wipe beads of sweat from
forehead and face, leaving
streaks of oil and blood upon
features

weathered by yesterday's
scolding self-loathing.
it took me nowhere.
gave me nothing.

I put chisel to the weld uniting
days past with those to come,
and divorce the need to
regret. to bang

my head against the wall of
who I once were.
the hurt I've dealt.
the stupid things a young man

can say under influence and not.
my whitest coals were the
trust I placed; the handle of my
hammer in the hands of

any authority seeming capable  
to swing it against an anvil
more often empty than not.
no more. not again.

I forge my own future.
breathing on hot coals, thrusting
raw metal into the red heart of
the fire.

this is my forgery.
I built it with my own two hands.
the only two
that may create within it.

Do you ever try to stop yourself from liking someone so much because you know they'll never like you back and you do not want to cause unnecessary trouble for the other party?

Even if you already know what the outcome will be, but you just can't help yourself from falling for that person?

Because I do.

You were addicted to cigarettes
And you talked about how bad it was
How addictions were bad for you,

But soon, I became addicted to you
And you were right,

Addictions are bad for you.
They just end up hurting you

A.K.

You picked me up
You laid me down
You put the pieces back together
You made me whole

You gave me light when I had none
You've helped me through
You've been at my side when things went rough
You've been my friend even when I wasn't the best one back

Because of you,
I play basketball
I know how to say food
I've healed faster
I'm not scared anymore

You are my true guardian angel and I thank you a thousand times for it.

I wish I could flip a switch & revert back to childhood.
So free spirited,
Attaining pure joy from the simplest of things.
The world hasn't been tainted by its evil truths,
Slimey slithery bugs being flung in your hair were the worst of your troubles.
Content with your imagination,
Everyday filled to the brim with magical forest creatures.
When did our curtain of innocence get lifted,
The older we get the more hostile and brittle the world becomes.
I dont want to be in a world where we dont get to hear the children play.

Your name belongs to others
but they don't have the same taste
or the way I felt my heart drop
every time I saw your face

Still I hold no contempt
nor see it as a waste
We were just out of place
running at too quick a pace

All the secrets I still keep
vividly invade my dreams
like all the times I watched you sleep
opening your eyes to me

Wishing it was meant to be,
did you even see?

We didn't fool each other
we only fooled ourselves
the risks became a bother
but still they paid off well

The stories we could tell
of both our carried hells
The images we bore
hiding the sides we feared to tell

Its still worth all the hurt
to keep the memories
no one else in this universe
will share the same as these

So thanks again
everything ends
We would be caught too tightly
within the web we spin

So Thanks again
everything ends
even with the same conclusion
I'd do it lose or win.

Thanks again.