She paused from our kiss
Took a breath.
And I opened my eyes.
I saw her,
Taking it all in as she held my face
She quivered.
I smiled,
That's when I knew
She was enough.

A scar on my wrist,
To you it's just a mark.
I know how it was placed there,
Alone in the darkness.
Odd how esoteric,
A single slice may be.
To me a cry for help.
For you slipped sheath.
Only the ones who done it,
Are the ones who can see.
The marks on your wrist,
Was from a mental disease.

I lay awake at night staring at the ceiling wondering why I can not turn my thoughts off.
Before my eyes, the  ceiling comes to life playing out scenes from  my minds recollections. Is this a dream or am I awake. I know I remember doing these things that are unraveling before my eyes, only In these images I do things differently. Could this be my conscious telling me where I went wrong or is my brain playing tricks on me.  I wish I could close my eyes and this movie would end but even with eyes closed the story unfolds.  It is hard to differ between reality and fantasy. Which is real and what is the moral to this story.  Help me understand

I'm a dork,            a freak,
                pathetic,             quiet,
    loud,              obnoxious,
               loyal,                 concerned,
self absorbed,      afraid,
              disconnected,     preoccupied,
      and more.

  My bookshelf spills
              onto the floor,
                           into my closet,
      covers my mattress.

                           I spend more time
            RPing in forums
      than I do
                      talking to people
                I actually know.

                                                       I have this
                                                      weird accent
                                                                ­             that doesn't belong
                                                      where I live,
                                                                ­             it gets wicked strong
                                                       when I'm upset                 or tired.

My entire wardrobe is
a walking reference
                                             to novels,
                                  sci-fi,
or something else.

I wear hats... a lot.

I bring books,
handhelds,
and notebooks
         to events
where
I'm supposed to
                         socialize.

                                                     ­          I
                                                           dance
                                                        randomly­
                                                             and
                                                           people
                                                            star­e.

I snort
       when I laugh,
               really loudly.

I                     d             a             y             d             r             e             a            m.

Poems I see
of suicide and death
But all it makes me think
Is that used to be me
I wish I could read minds
So I could see if their words
Are true
For if the heartbreaking promises
Of no tomorrow are in fact
Promises
I'd be the friend I didn't have at first
To tell them it gets better
To tell them it's okay
To tell them that the future
Brings brighter days
Life isn't perfect
But it is a gift
We take it as it is

When you feel sad
Please talk to someone
My bad days now come and go like the wind
I found people to calm me down
I realized I’m not alone
And
I noticed that these people will be by my side
Going through this mess together
Life is to be lived
Not survived

If life were a sea, you could see how many people are drowning, including me.
*Would anybody save them, or is it just me?

Depression is the view from a plane.

Beautiful.
Intricate.
Far away.
Too close.
Out of reach.
Memorable.
Suffocating.
Vast.
Below us.
And above us.

Depression is something all around us.

Pizza again
The turkey was placed on the table.
Pies in the oven baking.
The football game on tv.
Grandma yells"dinner on"
Went all of a sudden the turkey is gone. Can't be found nowhere.
The back door was open, but no one was there.
When grandpa yells pizza again!
There was no Thanksgiving dinner this night.
For the dogs on the corner had a joy.
While we sat and gave blessing for the pizza boy
It's pizza thanksgiving not turkey this year.

If love is an ocean
then you are the waves
and I am drowning

You took me to odd places
My own mind was one of them
From our first conversation
To the first time we hung out
I knew it would be different
I just can’t help shaking this feeling
The heart wants what the heart wants
And I am going to be positive about this
With my experiences with you
I learned more about myself
Than I thought I would
I learned that I am brave
Or at least capable of being so
I learned that deep down inside
I’m positive as ****
I learned that you can find friends
In the most unlikely places
And
I learned that you can always
Come back from a dark place
As long as you have someone to help you out
Thank you for the memories
They were pretty great
And I hope that we make more