scratch my fingers
until it turns red
clenched my fist
till it left a crescent mark
hold my words
till my throat hurts

I'm tired,
keeping all this feelings on my own
living in fears
being scared of everything

I just want it to be over.

/f.r/

I am certain that you don’t
And quite possibly never did
But if I ask you if you ever loved me
Even just for a day
Please tell me a comforting lie

I miss you in my heart
even if my mind is screaming at me
to run from the fire before
I go up in flames

there are no jumping cows.

no fields where trees
grow upside down.

they sprout from dead leaves

rising to meet the tired old moon
as it hangs
from an indifferent sky.

it melts away
like rain on snow

for the tiger tooth chaffinch
to make its home
among gnarled ebony
and shattered bones.

and even though I'm
wicked as sin
with a view
to excess vagaries

they tell me
I should pray to god
I'm not sure what for.

The crow
still remaining
every morning
forever hanging
on the corners
of lids
I sense
paranoia
seeping in

Abraxas in the bathroom mirror,
I am not here perpetually.

Krakens in the coffee creamer,
"here" is a relative term.

Massive is the pile of things
I'll never get around to touching,
my relative's calls are all forwarded
to voicemail.

Worry is a meal all it's own.

My release doesn’t lie
In the blood that stains
Your carpet,
Or the tears that soak into
Your pillow,
Or the screams that pierce
The still night calm,
Not even in the **** that
Snakes into my senses,


Wishing to melt into
Whatever I was before
Star light emanating from
Afar;


Old light pulsing from the new skies










(I want to see myself in that light
A time before I gave in to the night)