Since I cannot cure my schizophrenia
I decided to end my owned dilemma
I looked for a rope to hang my head
But split in two, that old rope left me undead

But that was not enough to stop my will
In our kitchen, a shining blade
But I pause for awhile for the reason
That I might pass out undead

So I then looked for a key
To open the cabinet
Unsealed the gun that was strictly kept
To put into my head that one tiny bullet
Just one shot and for sure I’ll be lucky dead
I pulled the trigger it didn’t clicked

Then I realized I've never done any
I’m stocked in my lonely room
Chatting with nymphs, those god’s so holy
Then I began to chill while facing demon and ghost so scary

My world was full with delusions
I can fight no more this emotion
Since they cannot cure my schizophrenia
How I wished to end my owned dilemma

But how can I?
They don’t want me to
I was incarcerated in this empty room
No rope to hang this head
No blade to slash my pulse
No gun to point in my head...

written: July 01, 2014
Mysterious Aries

Words blur
Eyes burn
Thoughts implode
Melting under molten memories
The day I stopped being Her

He loved me once
With exuberance and joy
He loved me once
And saw my flaws as perfection
He loved me once
And helped me to love myself
He loved me once
With all that he is
He loved me once
With an honest soul much like my own
He loved me once
And made me believe in forever
He loved me once
With neither question nor doubt
He loved me once
And in a flash of perception
All I can say is...
He loved me once

With one look
You set my soul on fire
Lit it up like the Fourth of July

With one glance
My heart engulfed in flames
And my breath labored

An illness I never want to build immunity to

The if and then
Of now and again
Has waged a war in words
Of joy and pain
The sadness reigns
Though nothing has occurred
To beg and plead
Yet not succeed
Can break the strongest heart
Though they tease
The subtleties
Enhance the miles apart

Me and Mary Lou
Were married right out high school
Her soon to have a baby
Me with nothing much to do

Didn't get much of an education
From the high school social scene
Life is now one big social frustration
If you know what I mean

Got a job on the dead shift
Down at the Jiffy mart
When Mary Lou went to labor
Emptying out her shopping cart

Got the call at 2am
Telling me I had a boy
I went straight to isle 3
And bought him his first of many broken toys

Cause broken toys prepare us
For the book of broken dreams
That most of us later in life
Tend to sit and read

Got the call not that much later
Telling me Mary Lou had died
Pretty shortly after that
My boy let out his first of many cry's

I wish I could have been there
Though not much I could have done
Except to give last minute comfort
To the mother of my son

Still down at the Jiffy mart
Whats a man to do
With a now 2 year old by your side
Sitting on a stool

He loves to hear the stories
Of when his mom and I were young
But he always adds the saddest end
When he asks why she is gone

I tell him she's still living
Only now she's in our hearts
I'm not sure that he believes me
As that's when the tear drops start

But life goes on as always
Like the purchases that I ring
With both us boys missing Mary Lou
If you know what I mean

It's times like these
I'm never sure
If your the disease
Or if your the cure

I know your an angel
But it gets hard to tell
If your one from heaven
Or if your one from hell

With broken hearts
it always rains
Still you never do
wash away the pain

I used to be much taller than this
If that you can believe
But you've taken me off so often
Right above the knees

I'm not really sure
Who you are
And how a broken heart
Can still be pulled apart

*With broken hearts
it always rains
But never does it
extinguish the flame

This is what love looks like
When it is one sided
And this is what love looks like
When it is misguided

If you don't believe that
Then take a look at me

This is how it feels
When you love another
And this is how it feels
When your not their lover

You might want to stand back
Give my heart room to bleed

This is how it feels
When it's all gone bad
And this is how it feels
When you've lost all that you had

When it comes down to it
Who are you going to believe

Cause this is what love looks like
On this side of nothing
And this is what love looks like
When it is missing someone

Especially when that someone
Just happens to be...

This is how you bake a pie
Find some fruit that's really ripe

Measure stuff into a cup
Take a bowl and mix it up

Bake it till it smells real nice
Hopefully just like a pie

Take it out while it is hot
Find the best of cooling spots

Take the pie that you just made
Find a clown and fill his face

What I ink to my page is not poetry,
There is not rhythm or rhyme, nor reason.
The empire state is no structure to my art.


What stains my page is not creativity,
Squiggles and lines leave marks from my mind.
The blank canvas does not lead to my masterpiece.


Words are my patchwork quilt,
Adjectives and nouns thread together my memoirs.
There's no glamour in my prose.


What I ink to my page is not poetry,
nor is it my intellect or wisdom.
What I ink to my page is life.