today i realized that it might not matter how hard i try. i might not be able to fix myself. i don't know how to connect. everything and everyone gives me anxiety and bores me and confuses me and i don't know what type of interactions and words to select HAGSDJUSKRVYEURSYBEISEVBRKHVFDJHJ

sitting on the corner of depot and main and i'm staring into the forehead of a bleach tan middle ager with a plaid shirt that looks like easter died. im good except i thought summer was like a door with an exit sign but i forgot it's not always greener at the end of the ride

are there ends to these rides? the speed fluctuates faster than i'd like sometimes, i don't know how to adapt to
anything, really.

coping is hard i'll give them that much. no one to call. no one inside me feeling like trying at all.

i always rhyme by the end of these
spreading wings at the end of it all
but i was never too good with estimates
and fast
we
fall

What's left for the guilty
Besides a life long self awareness
Of a lesson that costs more
Than what is leaned?

Maybe it's not the balance
Or piece of mind
That matters,
Maybe it's us, just us,
Our strength
To survive
A lonely guilty journey,
A new type of immortality,
The perpetual absurd
Flaming from what it produces:
A lack of force that ultimately produces
The strongest one.

I have never loved out loud.
Afraid that I will speak into existence
All of my fears,
And shatter the reflection I've come to know.

These words, caught on my tongue,
Could tear every stitch I have woven into this tapestry
With such pinpoint precision.
You could unravel me with your breath.

My lips flint and steel, your gaze a catalyst
For my words:
My body is a temple in flames,
I am the arsonist.

A guiding hand may slip:
Armed with a chisel, you could
Destroy this person I have sculpted from the ashes
Which land like snowflakes on my skin.

My God,
I have never felt this way before -
A violent, all-consuming fire.
Extinguish me, leave me in ruins.
The brush of a hand could set you alight.

the sun still rises
and so do I.
the rays don’t just hit my back,
but burn right through it -
if only my brain soaked them
the way my skin does,
my exterior glows
but my deficiencies remain
in tow