why do i crumble
fall into pieces of
oats and sugar
something beautiful
in a white bowl, but
a mess on the floor
when i wake up
in an empty house
why do i wither like
brown leaves
under brand new and
borrowed boots atop
autumn sidewalks
when i’m alone,
i’m alone,
i’m alone
it is not enough
to eat breakfast
however small
to wash my hair with
coconut milk
to not step out into
the busy street;
i freeze before the ice
touches me
i do not allow
the chance to warm
my own hands
i lie down, on
***** sheets,
and wait for someone
anyone
anything
to awaken me

Detach
Eject
Remove the panels
To reveal a void
Circuitry and wires
Long defunct
Now something more
Yet where and when
Is unknown

I don't think I know
where to begin or
where to go
How to leave chance behind
how to change perceptions
how to treat my own mind

I don't know
why I have this need
to share and to show
Exactly where I stand
ever spilling heart in hand

I don't know why
I keep asking for truth
from strangers only passing by
Same old retreat
numbing sadness on repeat

I have no idea
what to tell you now
how to make myself more clear
How to leave and how to save
how to make my feet behave

I'm a glass full of shards
a peculiar collection
lots of shiny unknown parts
I don't know who I am anymore
I don't think I knew before

Behind these eyes, insanity
a slow permeation of a voice
screaming truths and half truths

I just don’t want to listen
so I flood the head
just to drown the haunting

but it is ******* immortal
every night I send an eagle
to gnaw on the larynx

every morning it’s there to greet
disguised as a fictional friend
                  fiend. I meant fiend.

it’s kudzu it’s ******* kudzu
every day is a mid spring day
even in winters delicate palms

I spend the nights soaking in a bath
last night I let the water ******* tongue
soon it will feast on my lungs

I can go out like Plath
except my poems are bad
and my novel is only a paragraph

I will not
     let the inner
          demons win.

A stillborn visage
Sits in the night
Beneath the old moon
A burning twilight
A solemn face
Veiled in the stars
Descends from beyond
the retrograde Mars
It does not speak
Nor open its eyes
Yet still it lingers
Before the sunrise
Which since its arrival
Will no longer come
An omen long set
Of terrors far flung
And when it does wake
To gaze down below
Naught shall remain
But ashes and snow

A few coins
Lay scattered on the floor
Not any that I use
But ones I've seen before
From when I visited you
All that time ago
I still won't pick them up
Though I should I know
The truth is though
They remind me of you
When I am alone
With nothing left to do
Just their simple presence
A link from you to me
Is all the reminder I need
Of your distant guarantee

This life - is like a liquor - sweet
Intoxicating bliss
‘Tis to be a poet
To see sunshine as a kiss
To see the trees as folk of Earth
And ocean - as world’s blood
That keeps her ever living
That sweet - mysterious - flood
Life is an amazement
To her - I am stupefied in awe
She bustles in the tenements
Behind - beyond - every door