I have not loved a loss so well
As the hell I put myself through
Engaging this age’s darkness
Swiveling and dancing in
The cycles of sorrow's
Ancient kin
Loss, war, death, pain
Supping up the sick stew
Of carnage and fractured flesh
And reviewing it
Over and over again

Not a poem. Not my regular thing that is months behind what I am currently working. I am emotionally exhausted.  As much as I would like my faith in humanity is **** near non-existent. If everyone who claimed they were revolutionary or non-conformist actually were things might be better. People run off at the mouth how if in such and such a situation they would not follow the crowed. they say they just haven't been tested. However, every day is a test. Every potential act of kindness is an act of defiant against the status quo. 99% people fail to even meet the basic standards of being a half decent human being. It is what obsesses me, possess me to write frequently. I am physically and emotionally tired. I am angry at the world for the cruelty. I am jealous to a certain degree of those who succeed in the system at the expense of others, while I struggle for the scraps. I do not want to be rich, I just wish to be recognized and understood. I want to feel like I am not fighting a monster that is not only beating me but getting bigger.

I will take what hurts me
use it to make me stronger
turn heartache to compassion
turn depression into insight
turn anger into a weapon
against the cruelty of this world

I will burn but my fire
will light the heavens
and through me
you will see
how great we all can be.

You birth is an invitation
Few received from quintillion plus
Possible people
A gift to exist
A choice given
The variables
A ticket to the freak show
Or to the joy ride
Of expanding life
And human consciousness
It was now stamped for approval
Nor is it dependent on the permission
From those in power
You are required
To live by their patterns
Why would you
When you can build a better loom

Be bold
For the sake of
Beauty's presence
Born of a child's smile
A lover’s laugh
A raging current
Cutting across
Foaming waters

Be bold
Outspoken for a token
Of love’s flowering affection
Of hopes name
That scars the heart
But tells only truth

Be bold
When others falter
Failing to offer
Kindness
Because they are scared
Uncertain, or simply
Never cared

Be bold
To be alive
While you live
Knowing you will die

Be bold
Soaring to help strangers fly

I went off my medication,
and went up a few sizes,
sometimes you lose the effort to try,

but when the effort returns,
maybe it will be ignored,
til a more promising day.

To live free, as me, how I want to be.
In a society that wants to impose on me
Their limited mentality and morality
The wants to classify and separate me
For my natural affinities
To live free in such a society
Is harder than performing
The 12 labors of Hercules

The sheep minded
Elevate ignorance
To celebrate
Their own mundaneness

Claim this enslavement
Is natural
That the moral
Shun the strays
Who walk in
Diverging ways

Cling to status symbols
And fashion trends

Their mind bends
To fit their servile situation

Praising the nation
Instead of humanity

Consumers not real creators
Products not innovators

Digesting stupidity
And spitting the same
Uniformed madness
Right back at me
And that is why
I love working nights

It is a solid ache
Harder then
The chest tightening
Cardiac devastation

Hands shake
While I wait
For the world
To catch up to
My kind of love

Tears fall
Unless I distract myself
The cemetery
Holds more like minds
Than I ever find
In these times

I am alone in a sea
Of self-satisfied idiots
Who think the idiot is me

Muscles melt
Legs bend
Minds tend
Towards fantasies

Chants and prayers
Inaction in subservience
While they let the madness go on
But I am wrong

A child starves
They pray
A war goes on
They pray
Rug burns
And sore *****
Bent over
Waiting for an answer
That never comes
But I am the *******

The rose melts
Painted crimson
In fairytales
Of wonderland

The sun departs
Vacating its hydrogen heart
Leaving me with
Only its darker parts

Cascades of liquid
The coagulating kind
Float inside
My troubled mind

Thus, I wonder
While my fingers tap
Beat for heart
Equal to the first
As it will be the last
Will I ever live to see
Such madness pass

If the horrors of our history do not make you gasp, and the tragedies of our present do not unite you in tears and cries for a better world, Then you have been successfully brain washed.  Watch your shows, buy your brand names stuff, and be content in your dullness because you have become a perfect tool.

Is it my fault
That you cannot
Follow me into
The darkest rooms

Failing to see
The click clacking
Of death tracking
Innocence

Failing to feel
Parallels of pain
Emotions you can’t name

Am I to blame
Because I softened my words
To be heard
Whispered
Instead of yelling
Smiled and joked
Instead of crying

So you kept lying
To yourself
Measuring value
As an integer of wealth
Check marked
Your vacant heart
Filling infinity
With nothing

Is it my fault
Because
I did not argue harder
For the sane way
Did not strain
Enough to say
Please stay
With me
And our shared humanity

Now your boots
Sound of conformity
A terrible drum
Poking me
And I can see
Where this beat
Leads
But you will not
Believe me

So when you reach for
The cold and deadly knife
Stuck in the heart of humanity
To pull it out
And bleed out
When you finally see and agree
Will you blame or forget me

Why do I have to be tense
when the easily offended
are the ones who commit the offense
emit attitude with their pretense
moral to a biblical degree
With no true human decency
Publicly they frighten me
privately they sicken me
declaring hateful victory
over love and humanity
Or is it just me?