Healing isn’t linear,
but I really wish it was.
Some days I’m just fine and don’t even look, and others, I check up on you a million times just because.

I hate when I feel the shift,
like dropping my phone in the ocean.
My heart races and can barely defend
against all the high-adrenaline mental commotion.

I handled the quiet so well yesterday;
you never even crossed my mind.
But here I am, mid-afternoon- turning my head,
no longer running, but you’re not behind.

Like a midnight hike gone horribly wrong-
it started to rain, we got lost in the fog,
and wound up on different trails.

I would give you, almost anything,

for the borders, to close.
For our separate galaxies,
to inch, and crawl, ever closer,

winding and unwinding
around each other,
like the red thread of fate,
rocking gently, on twin spools.

I would give up, almost everything,

for my lifeline, to unravel,

if only...

to retangle, around yours,
in a closed,
but infinite loop.

I would give you my all,
my everything

For the distance,
between us...
to vanish.
For the spaces around us,
to suture themselves, together,
and heal,
like gaping wounds.

For the sublime favor,
of feeling you shine down, on me,
in a way no other, could do.

To see all your love,
reflected, in your mirrored irises,
and know that no one,
stands before, or behind me.

And I'd sell my own soul,
without a second thought
just to hear you say

That I'm your one,
your only love,
and no other
could ever

do.

White brick,
Metal chains.
Locked In,
So afraid.

Metal clinking,
against concrete.
No escape.
Locked in,
It’s fate.

A small cot,
Made of wood.
In the corner,
White concrete floor,
I shuffle my feet,
Towards the door.

I gave up screaming,
long ago.
I gave up because—
No one could hear me,
Yell.
So now I sink low—
To the concrete,
And look out,
But all I see,
Is more white walls,
So know I doubt myself.

The metal chain,
Weighing me down,
Like a brick.

A chain of—
Regret.
Shame.
Pain.
Sadness.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Anger.

I’m stuck in this,
walled concrete cell.
With thick metal-
Bars
Metal chains,
Weighing me down,
Forming deep scars.
From those already there.

This room,
I’m trapped.
It has always lasted,
I’m stuck here,
Always tested.

I hope one day.
I’ll break the chains.
But Im still stuck,
Attached to this wall,
In this cage,
In this room,
Debating if I can ever change.