My hand has never felt this heavy.
I can barely hold the pen up.
Even as I write this, i don't know where it will end up.
But I fear it won't be good enough.
No matter what I write down.
Nothing could rightly express these thoughts, feelings, and my heart sounds,
Sad and broken, daily hurting,
Haunted nightly by these demons.
I've wasted countless hours with hypothetical ******* reasons,
And nothing seems to make sense.
And nothing seems to matter.
Nothing seems to get better,
No 'happy ever afters'.
Life is much more cruel.
The pain's almost too much.
If a heart gets broken, time will heal it,
There's no safe crutch.

No words could truly ever express,
or pay respects
but I swear I'll always try my best
To keep you in my memories.
Which is ironic, since you died in an infiniti.
I'll keep you in my heart and soul and hope this brings tranquility.

I am
really good at
tearing away
people who love me.

Scars run deep
Sliced by those
Disguised as friends

Tearing flesh
One touch at a time
With false smiles

Ripping names
From headline bold print
Stored in their pockets

Where the trusting sit
Scattered among the lint
Of past pleasures

Victims of masks
Worn behind the scenes
Leprechaun images

Lucky charms
Magically delicious
Forced to consume

Though nothing more
Than evil
To start your day

.

“I saw her today at the reception”

My eyes filled with changing emotions
In satin gown and fire brand hair
A china doll beyond the display case
Happiness was breathing the air

“In her glass was a bleeding man”

A shadow of someone on the platform
I could see his face wracked in pain
Scars of here and prior altercations
Acid falling in the guise of rain

“She was practiced at the art of deception”

Behind that sequined mask she stood hiding
A smile painted in pastel red
Pretending a friendship is more than just golden
Wishing the other were endlessly dead

“Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands”

Pointing fingers dripping in excess waste
Smearing the drapes of lipstick tapestry
Planting the seed of doubt deep within
Smirking as she said these words to me

*“You can’t always get what you want”

-

~

Influences corner me
on a narrow strip of land
falling off into a sea of uncertainty
Raging waters reflecting fear
desperately deep

Toxic tides reach for me,
attempting to drag me under
Spilling breaths on uncharted beaches
I fall to my knees lost…searching
for merely the tiniest thread of hope

When a rope, strung of woven longings
appears, tied tightly around your heart,
hand knotted of promises made
and gasping, I pull myself once again
to the safe haven of your love

~

I sat staring at the haze
Floating above the quiet field
Shrouding the distance
Falling slowly on
Blades of grass
Intertwined with the earth
Rooted depths of
Criss cross meanings
Seeking moisture
Between cracks in the soil
Reaching deeper
Not really knowing
Where they are or caring
Satisfied with just being
A part of something larger

I felt the sun on my jeans
Warm fabric clinging
Woven threads
Frayed edges and tattered hems
In patterns of durable days
Faded knees
And flapping back pockets
Stained of endless memories
Collected while walking
Following a path
Leading nowhere
And not really caring
Just happy to be
A part of something larger

I smiled and so did you
And you and you
And before I knew it
Everyone was smiling
Happily going about their day
It seems contagious
Drifting from here to there
Finding frowns flipped
Dancing across faces
Changing the mood
Of all that I could see
And now I know what it means to be
A part of something larger

Your name has become
an alliteration in my mind
Your face a sunset
that waits for my dream to catch up
I’m sorry it's taking so long

I know why you are so vague
when once you were so obvious
I broke your mind enough not to care
but justice was served upon mine
I’m sorry it had to happen that way

We were headed for the sun
without fear of getting too close
But that is exactly what happened
and we knew then the game was real
I’m sorry I found out too late

For what it’s worth, I understand…
to have that hanging over your head,
echoed threats vibrating concerns
as harmonic waves touch your heart

Blame sent in a plain envelope
addressing your need to be kind
It is your nature, they know it is…
even if postage is still due on their lies

Listen to me if you will,
hollow words are only meant to hurt,
cause pain where none is deserved,
to ease something inside of the sender

Let them cry their rivers
overflowing with requests for sympathy
begging forgiveness neath a reflective moon
as they attemp to eclipse your smile

You know who you are, you know the truth
and though you may sneak away
it is their loss not yours
and if I may…our gain

For you will see these arms are open
and long to keep you safe…forever