Art is not always meant to be understood
But it can always be appreciated
By those who see it as a form of expression
And not mere analysis.

I remember that day,
That day you walked with me.
I remember it felt like peace and harmony.
It was refreshing in all of its simplicity.
My friends, my family, they all neglected
What I had to say, the questions children ask every day.
It did not matter what kind of attention you gave.
Even if it was negative, it was a drug that I craved.
You may not have understood, but you knew it, didn't you?
You knew that I truly, desperately needed you.
Exploitation was your art.
I wish I had seen it; I wish I was smart.

My heart's growing colder everyday.
I can feel it, when I look the other way,
Ignoring everyone who tries to catch my eye.
I can hear it, when you ask for help,
And I tell you in not so many words,
That it's not my problem.
I can see it, when you notice my vacant expression,
And you turn away, hoping I won't infect you
With this ever-present emptiness.

Look, you can see the future in her eyes.
She can't help but plan and prioritize.
She always thinks seven days ahead, every week.
She can't live in the moment;
Her life is bleak.

Please do not be afraid
Breathe in the air, deeply,
Knowing fully that you are alive.
And even if you were to die,
Right now, right here,
You wouldn't really die.
Flesh decays; it grows frailer with age.
And where it once was,
Your soul remains.

It's all in my head
Doesn't mean it's not real
I still think what I think
And feel what I feel.

All I want
Is a pink picket fence
And a kid
And a house
And a husband who tells me
I'm beautiful, even when I'm not
And I want us to be in love
And spend every day
Thankful for each other
And I don't want anyone
To tell me
That I want too much.

Dear love,
Although your truth is hard to swallow,
I cannot live without you.
You are ******* the outside
Yet forever solid in your foundation.
You quickly flood my veins and nerves
With the kind of power no one else possesses.
Tomorrow when I see the doctor,
You know I have to ask for you.
You know I have to feel you trickle down my throat
And find your way into my damaged mind.

My arms wrap around you
Until everything disappears
It's just us, lying peacefully here
Finally, I can breathe
Hum quietly in your ear
The night slides by easily
Whenever you are near.

I wake up to a new day,
Not really new;
Everything goes the same way.
I pretend I have control,
It's a stupid game I play
While time continues wasting away.

I'd rather not use your name
Because it makes you too real
Such a personal label,
A stamp if you will.

So please stay anonymous,
Remain ever so mysterious,
And I can keep a safe distance
From these experiences.

As I bury myself underneath your skin,
All of the icy hesitation
Melts away as I am no longer me.
I can live, I am loved, I am free.

Will I always sink back into this?
The cold, smooth acceptance of your apathy
The kind of apathy that whispers
'I don't really love you,'
While it turns the other way,
Far, far, away from you.

Are you the one
Or not?
Because I only have so much time,
Only have one life,
And I don't want to waste it.

Pushing people away
Has always been my great forte.
To their utter confusion,
I do not pursue them
When they walk the other way.

It's like that terrible second when you're waiting on the pain.
When the nerve has yet to tell your brain.

I shut you out,
With a false smile on my mouth.
I let you in,
Only enough to graze my skin.
I open the door,
Only to lay still upon the floor.
I wake up in my bed,
Only to gaze at the ceiling overhead.

I won't flash you a scowl, I'll flash you a smile.
It stings a lot worse and burns for a while.

That day in Charleston -
There was the perfect blend of chaos.
A weapon, a killer, a band of unknowing innocent victims, and years of carefully-executed brainwashing.

I want to fly closer to the flames
To slightly singe my skin
To feel some kind of pain but not to fall
Deep into the fire, burned alive and charred forever.

Sometimes we think we can escape
With a pill, or a drink.
Sometimes we perfect pulling the wool
Over our own eyes.

I lay down now,
The world melting around me.
My blood pressure dropping infinitely.
I breathe in, let a sigh out
As the world spins recklessly about.

I dreamed it all okay,
That the cruel ones went away,
That kindness took the wheel,
Driving us to heal.

I sunk the darkness with my mind,
Left the monsters far behind.
With smiles and love leading the way -
A whole new world, a whole new day.

What do I need
But a beautiful day
A tree that breathes, heavy and deep,
The water under its feet.
Sunflowers tilt their hats as I walk by
I hear a baby bird cry.
Its mother nudges it towards the ledge;
I watch it fall then fly.
It touches the sky.
Is this all real?
I am beginning to feel,
Again.

A whisper
An insidious start
To a noisy finish
With the voices so soft
So innocent
'Til they grow louder
'Til they sound mean
'Til they shout everything
That you cannot bear to hear.

The flimsily crafted walls, they're
Crumbling down,
All around me.
You thought it was real;
It was only a dream.
A bad, bad dream.

Or at least I wish it was.

I am so bitter
I am so mad
I've lost yet another thing
I thought that I had.

Can't help but be bitter, can't help but be sad.
It's like everything falls apart, everything I've ever had.
How does this even happen, how can it get so bad?
I just want to heal; I don't want to stay this mad.

How can I forgive them when I cannot forget
The pain that they caused me, from the time we first met?
Putting it behind me now seems to be my best bet,
But if it were that easy, why haven't I done it yet?

I just want out,
I just don't care.
How am I feeling?
I'm not even aware.
My eyes are empty,
Am I standing here?
Or am I just floating in the air?

Blending days
Long, boring haze
Of nonstop work
As I waste away.

This is where you end
And I begin.
I'm not backing down,
I'm not giving in.
This isn't a game,
I'm not out to 'win.'
Won't let you control me,
Getting under my skin.

You can do anything,
And you can do it well.
Yet you lie there on the shelf,
And you never ask for help.

He looks down on me
Not with belittling eyes
They are soft, softer than the pillows on his bed.
They are a deep brown that swallows me, distracts me from everything terrible.
They are addictive, absolutely necessary for me to get through the day.

You're making me nervous, the way that you smile,
And how you're so kind to me,
It's sickening.
I don't want a special someone, I don't want anything.
Yet you're making it hard for me to say no.
You're piquing my interest, so now I think you should go
Before we lose it, and it all spirals out of control.

I feel some strange connection to you though.
Like every time you walk by me, I just know.
When you compliment me, I feel a warmth inside,
And though I don't want to appear weak, it's too much to hide.
Yet all of these silly rules by which I have to abide,
Are stressing me out, can't we just cut the lies?
I'm so tired of these butterflies;
The nervousness is eating me alive.

She appeared to me as a small caterpillar,
Transforming slowly in front of my eyes.
I watched as they plucked her butterfly wings
And sold them for a pretty price.

He's crafted from butterfly wings, so soft and delicate,
A vibrant display of blues, oranges, and golds.
While I gaze upon his beauty with a kind of humble admiration,
I can't help but wonder if I could, oh so slyly,
Yet violently,
Rip the colorful bits and pieces off
And assemble, however I'd like,
A collage of my own, a selfish project,
Another step closer to the finished product.

I built this beautiful castle of lies
All around me
Searching for some truth,
And finding nothing.

All of these changes,
Making my head spin and spin,
Again and again.
I never thought I would still be here.
I thought I would be with him.
We had planned so much together,
Made so many promises to one another.

Then a part of me, it spoke so clearly.
It said, "Trust my words for I love you dearly."
"You can't let your fears keep you in the past.
You know this was never the type of love that could last.
You're no longer a child; you have to grow up now - fast."
And as I listened, I decided I would sabotage it -
Yes, I would corrupt my whole relationship.
I would just cut it up into little bits.
When I found a way, that's exactly what I did.
As I watched the pieces fall, I saw a new part of myself rise.
I felt ten years of pain and suffering start to subside.

Eventually a child will realize
That if they play the victim, they will be victimized.
It's sad to say they may take the abuser's side
When they have no confidant in which to confide.

Still, the child is blamed without a second thought.
There's no one there to listen or any help to be sought.
They are on their own now, cast aside, left to rot.
This happens right under our noses, whether we like it or not.

Fake, fake, fake.
Whatever could it take
To break your false exterior,
To believe you're not superior?

Pain, pain, pain.
What is it that you gain
By inflicting it on others
With absolutely no shame?

An anger so pure and deep
That it courses through you and rips open
Every sense of reality that you ever had
With insecurities so blatant and raw
That anyone can touch and feel the vulnerability inside
With cold, unfeeling hands
Molding the soft and warm mush within.

Her appetite is endless,
As she eats your insides, licking her fingers,
Smiling cooly, calmly,
A nightmare forever committed to your mind.

I touch the sky
Trace the stars with my fingers
Wonder why am I alive
As I drift like the icy snow
From the clouds to the ground
Blowing over everything
Blowing you off
When you say I will be okay,
That it will be alright.

I lied to you;
I don't know why.
The point is, though, that I'm not fine.
Every day someone crosses the line.
Every day I feel so **** confined.

Always have to secure control over something.
Just one thing is all it takes.
Maybe it's your routine, maybe it's your weight.
Maybe it's another person who can never seem to catch a break
From you.

Would I ever love to
Stomp you down
Until you believe
That nothing you do
Means anything

Consistency often preserves our sanity
And a little bit of diversion
Can be devastating.

You don't want to see this side of me
It is vicious and unforgiving
It is cruel and unrelenting
And you, my friend, happen to be
Right smack dab
In the crossfire.

Cruelty covers my tears
In an opaque veil
So you can't even tell
How affected I am.

Her self-worth is so fragile in your hands.
You could crush it anytime, like a velvety butterfly wing.
She stares up at you, powerless,
Dreading your next move...
It's all up to you.