This morning I woke up crying. It's strange, this has never happened before. I went to bed last night feeling numb, thinking that, this was God's way of helping me control my thoughts and feelings. I thought I'd continue to feel numb, until you were sure of what you wanted.
I didn't feel numb this morning.
The reason I'm sad is not because you may possibly be falling in love with someone else but the fact that you might be falling out of love with me. There's no question that we both care about each other and that we both would like nothing more than to make each other happy, that's who we are as people.
I have fun with you, I trust you, and I'm eased by your companionship.
My phone made an alert sound and I was instantly over filled with joy. In that brief second that it took me to pick up the phone, I had imagined that it was you saying that you still loved me unconditionally, and that you were sure that it was me, that it had always been me, and it will always be me.
It's okay though, I'm just sad. Just like how you are unsure and because of that you are sad. I've been praying, hoping that this time in our lives is happening because it will make us stronger and wiser.
That in the end, it will just make us love one another more.
I've known for a long time that I have been losing you, I can't say I don't blame you for becoming uncertain and distant with me. The truth is I have no idea who you'll end up being in love with. All I know is that I still love you and that I'm not quite ready to give up on you.
I can wait for you, forever, and I think you know that.
Everything is okay though. It hurts us both, but it's okay. In the end we'll know. I know you dislike long texts, I was thinking about writing all this down in my journal instead, but I really wanted to share my thoughts with you. I figured, what's the point of loving someone if you are too afraid to express your thoughts and feelings to them.
So I'm expressing them.
I love you.