Never trust the establishment
They do not exist for our benefit
For they believe  that we exist
For their convenience
Their only purpose is self-perpetuation
And they think that our only function
Is to accommodate that purpose
Whereas our true cause should be
To get rid of the *******

                                        By Phil Roberts

Sick with second guessing
The bitterness is back

Beyond any classification
I'm exhausted of it all

Long past petty five steps
I've sat outside long enough in the cold
To know it doesn't get any warmer

Nostalgia's rough grasp
Clasped about my neck
I feel more and more
With every forced breath

And the more I feel the less I know
It all leads to the inexplicable
The redundant and
The impossible to reconcile

Loneliness infatuated
With this idea of the unknown
Through some lust manifests
Into a dire fear of being alone

And that fear carries forward
Incessant debasement

And all the best advice I've ever heard
Is now drowned out by the rainfall

Dripping drops of memories
Seep into wounds still being licked
With a wincing at the past
While bracing myself for the crash

There was somewhere lifetimes ago
When a warmth was prevalent enough

But all that feels like fantasy now

Some sick obsession with comfort

The idea of
Being yearned for

Thought of

Touched, kissed
Dreamed

Breathed

All things senseless yet
Fulfilling for the senses
Creating some
Sense of belonging

It's all slipping, sliding
Moving out of view

Writhing and shaking
My body shivers
Off any remaining
Icicles of doubt

I know the bitterness is back

I know the rain will keep falling harder

And right now, try and try as I might,
I just can't get this **** cigarette to light

Mine became a life of chaos
Lived on the edge of a knife
Balanced for eternity
Caught between death and life

In the end the fear of living
Burned me to the very core
Without my anaesthetic
I knew I could take no more

There was no fight left in me
I had no heart that I could give
I had no way of surviving
It cost me too much to live

Into a well of silence
I breathed a desperate prayer
Uncertain of an answer
Or who might be out there

As I listened in confusion
The solution came to me
Live a life of honesty
The truth could set me free

So I stepped in the future
I discovered my true worth
And after the death of winter
Came spring my season of rebirth

Sometimes the fear of living
Felt to me too much to bear
I was drowning in reality
My suffering seemed unfair

I could not understand it
I replayed every scene
Deep into my dark nightmares
All my ifs and might have beens

I turned over but one question
Where had it all gone wrong
Nothing quite made sense to me
Like some discordant song

The winds of shame were blowing
Carrying autumn leaves of pain
Raining down tears of heartbreak
I made the same mistakes again

Blind to all life's goodness
I discarded happy thoughts
I learned well the lessons
That my misery had taught

Sinking in my addictions
Numbed without control
I could not fight my demons
So I let them take my soul

I thought that I was happy
In the summer of my youth
I had many years of living
Before I could learn my truth

I danced in silent splendour
To expectation's tune
Thinking that I had freedom
And success was coming soon

Hopes I had in plenty
No thought that I could fail
I walked tall and bravely
Along my chosen trail

The sun shone bright upon me
I basked in its light and heat
Growing ever bolder with
No knowledge of defeat

I felt I knew life's fortune
That I'd always play and win
Holding on to my aces
Was that really such a sin

My golden halo shining
Secure in my self belief
Before desperation took it
Sneaked upon me like a thief

I'm slipping between the cracks
I'm slowly losing the plot
Lost on an unknown highway
In a mind that time forgot

The light has died inside me
It is winter in my soul
Nothing moving nothing living
In a bleak eternal cold

The world inside is lonely
The world outside is tough
Where is help when you need it
I have simply had enough

Only my thoughts for company
As they race around my head
A million shards of heartache
I think I'd be better off dead

I wait in bitter silence
For a message I can't hear
Only empty echoes of
A long forgotten fear

I don't know I got here
And I've stopped asking why
It's too hard to go on living
But I'm too scared to die

Honestly I've been so good
I've waited I don't know how
I've tried to do what I should
But I simply must have it now

I've waited I don't know how
Please I've been really patient
But I simply must have it now
To stop further discontent

Please I've been really patient
I think I deserve my reward
To stop further discontent
Don't let life be this hard

I think I deserve my reward
Honestly I've been so good
Don't let life be this hard
I've tried to do what I should