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the sea, the sea
bring me to the sea
in front of her crashing waves
where I can dream of being free
always the child
who never got appreciated
just an unwanted child
trying her hardest
to be the perfect one—
just once.
trying her hardest
to be appreciated,
dying to hear:
“you did a great job,”
“the dish you cooked was very nice,”
“i’m proud of you,”
“you scored 98% in maths,”
“i’m proud of my daughter.”
she just wanted
to be loved.
to be seen.
to be appreciated.
 Jun 27 Ciel Noir
alia
Scary
 Jun 27 Ciel Noir
alia
I’ve always wondered—
if I spoke more,
smiled more,
would I still seem scary?

Would my words
come out soft,
or sharp like they imagine?

Even I don’t know
why I wear this face.
Maybe I’ve forgotten
how to take it off.

Or maybe,
I’m just afraid
you won’t like
what’s underneath.
I don't
feel anything
at all,
but I feel
it all
at once.
The brokenness,
the misery,
the weariness,
and the shame
are like
being
drenched in silt,
caked in filth,
covered with
life's crud.
I reek
of the living river—
its currents
have carried me
into a sea
of everything.
Now,
I find myself
adrift
in an ocean
of everything
and nothing.
For when you're drowning in everything and still feel nothing. A piece about emotional overload, numbness, and the silent weight of it all.
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