Christina Cox

Christina Cox Dec 2015

With these arms bared
I come up stairs
and sit around the table.

With this shirt worn
I play the games
while you sit across.

With my body shown
you take secret looks
but keep the thoughts silent.

With the body shown
you accept me
and the pain I inflict.

#love #cutting #family #scars

Christina Cox Dec 2015

The Days Go By

Good and Bad lined up by the fence.
Teams leaders pick and choose,
a few of each on every side.
Hit and run, catch and throw.
Crushing grass and flowers as they fight.
Throwing insults and taunts to create mistakes.
Week after week the teams mix and play again.
Different winners every time take over the field.

#depression #days #good #bad

Christina Cox Dec 2015

I'm a Cutter

There are times
so often
I think to myself
do I have the right
to label myself?
Wondering if
the cuts I make
are deep enough,
bleed enough,
scar enough,
created enough,
for me to be a cutter.

But I must be.
Because I do.
I must be.
Because my skin is
purple and red lines
of scars.
I must be.
Because I see a pencil sharpener
and remember where my
screwdriver is.
I must be.
Because I was hospitalized
and even they were surprised
at the destruction.

So I must be a cutter.
But I don’t have the right
to label myself.

I only know me.
And I don’t matter.
So I must not be one.

*But I am one

#cutting #depression #mentalillness #selfharm #hospital

Christina Cox Dec 2015

My Body

Trapped.
In a |C|E|L|L|
of bRoKeN words
and darkened love.
Punching.
CRUMBling walls
and shatterproof windows.
I’ve been convicted.
GUILTY.
Life sentence with no parole.

______________
|         I           |
|         was          |
|         framed      |
______________

Please.
I don’t want to die here.

#depression #mentalillness #trapped

Christina Cox Dec 2015

Untitled

When I say, "I hate myself"
I do not speak of petty things.
I speak of hating my body because it is.
I hate my voice and my mind.
Hated fills every crevice of my soul.
It destroys the possibility of love
for the petty, pretty, blue eyes.
Hatred, hating, hate for myself.

#hated

Christina Cox Dec 2015

I Want To Be Loved

I want to project happiness
and have it be the truth.
I want to show confidence
and not hide within myself.
I want to smile at you
without feeling awkward.
I want to look pretty
and you to say it.
I want to feel your body
and you feel mine.
I want to love you
I want you to love me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want this mirror
to stop showing me
what I hate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to be loved
by myself.

#love #want #myself