If I had a genie who would grant me three wishes,
I would not wish for the betterment of the world.
     I would not wish for peace on earth.
     I would not wish for poverty to be eradicated.
     I would not wish for those who are sick or in pain to be healed.
I would be selfish.
     I would wish for my depression to be gone.
     I would wish for a body that I could handle living in.
          And if none of that worked,
     I would wish for my death to not hurt the people I love.
          That way, my suicide wouldn’t **** my parents.

I search for peace everywhere I go and everywhere I look.
I search through the crunchy leaves that have fallen off the trees.
I search through the clouds that are being blown across the sky.
I search for it in the happy couples that walk by, whispering secrets about love.
I search for it in the way my brother, severely disabled, loves unconditionally.
My search for serenity is futile, I do not believe a broken heart can find peace.
Truth be told, I don’t know if a complete one can find any either.
Maybe we’re all just doomed to search for something that can never be found.

How I wish to embrace each day
Meet the Morn with a song in my heart
Instead depression pulls me into the dull and grey

Despair rises up, much to my dismay
Clouding my judgment and tearing me apart
How I wish to embrace each day

A new day dawns, but still with feet of clay
I succumb to the darkness, wishing it would depart
As depression pulls me into the dull and grey

I awake with good intentions that go astray
It’s a constant struggle that I don’t wish to be a part of
How I wish to embrace each day

Out of the quagmire I make my way
Towards the light, thinking it’s a new start
Instead depression pulls me into the dull and grey

How wondrous it must be to find one’s way
Rising above the despair and make a new start
How I wish to embrace each day
Instead depression pulls me into the dull and grey  

Kelly Rose
December 8, 2015

Throw your face into the bucket
full of ice and water.
Leave it there for predetermined times
based on physiology and psychology.
15 Seconds first, to get your lungs to work.
20 Seconds next, after getting used to holding breathe.
Try for 30 Seconds last,
that is what they tell me.
Then I go for personal bests
to make the pain even worse.