At first I thought you were just a friend
Then we touched
A friendly way--
This happened every day
Then one day you held on--
Would you hold on if I was yours?
And you were mine?
I see you in the halls,
and sometimes you say hi,
or sometimes don't notice me.
Your three years my senior,
and we see each other almost every day.
Inside and outside of school,
if only we could have time alone, to talk, to pretend I am home,
in your arms.
So I'll keep holding on,
to your hand,
until I know for sure.
This is the ends

enveloped in your arms
with my head on your chest
allow the steady thump of your heartbeat
lull me to rest
where maybe i might dream
with you by my side
instead of having these nightmares
eat me alive

s.s

"don't go, stay please"
hands around waist
body pressed against
the doorframe your
tongue tracing my
the back of my ear down
to the neckline as we
show ourselves layer
by layer and suddenly

it is five am and I am
tracing the outline of
dawn on your back
and you turn to hold
me again and our fingers
interlace and suddenly

it's two weeks later and
i am staring at the dots
on my phone at two am
whispering alone again
"don't go, stay, please"

We can be taught
How to read and write
And cook meals
And ride a bike;
We can be taught
Simple things
Like running, swimming,
And going high on the swings;
But no one can teach us
How to love and cope
Or mend a broken heart,
Or hold onto hope.
And no one tells us
How it will feel
When you're in love,
In love for real!
Or how to handle
A lying cheat
Whose poisonous words
Are full of deceit.
Or what to do
When your heart is full
And the one you love
Has your heart strings to pull.
Or when you're in their grasp
Running on their track,
With love in you're heart
But they will never love you back.
Because the thing about love
Is that it's followed by pain,
And when you're in love with the wrong person
It will drive you insane.

Recently I've noticed, that the world's skin deep. We've stopped looking past our features, and started scanning from head to feet. Closed minds don't matter, when your legs are open wide. Just like a personality is worthless, when you only want physically inside. We say we want to find love, but only indulge ourselves in lust. Just  to wind up brokenhearted, and wondering who we can trust.

I tend to suffer
from bouts of
paranoia
that only seem to
get worse as
my days get better
as though my
subconscious needs
something
anything
of which
I should be
afraid
to maintain
equilibrium

To be truthful, I am awkward.
When I stare blankly at you it's not because I'm not paying attention, it's because I'm too confused on what to say.
        Yesterday, I dropped a book and when someone handed it to me I said good morning.

To be honest, I'm clumsy.
The last time I tried to make microwave Mac and cheese I forgot to put the water in and caught the pasta on fire.
       Yesterday I tripped and fell on my pride, and it shattered like a mirror holding the reflection of someone who wasn't me.

To be frank, I'm stubborn.
I refuse to accept help from others.
       Yesterday I broke four cups carrying a box of kitchen goods because I didn't let him take it from me.

To be candor, I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of the things that I can't fix and the things that I never will be able to understand.
        Yesterday my friend committed suicide. And today, I want to too.