I crawled naked
through the fires of redemption
and I felt nothing.
I felt nothing,
with blood running down my arms,
and tears carving canyons
through what was left of my baby face.
The river ran through me
the same way the blade ran me through.
We wrapped our hands around
each others’ throats,
and together, we felt nothing,
but, for a moment, nothing we had ever felt,
had ever made us so alive.

Many people fear their past
They look back terrified
Ashamed
Worried it will repeat itself

I'm not sure I am
My past is riddled with darkness
It is millions of mistakes sewn into billions of memories
I have seen darkness
But I will not become
Darkness

I have laid down on cold bathroom tiles
Grasping for air and drowning in pain
I have bled myself out for a love I will never have
I have seen death
I have stopped death
I have watched friends fall into puddles of misery
Before my very eyes
I have woken in the beds of strangers
And taken my leave without a trace
I have been beaten to a pulp by a lovely friend
Who still insists she can't remember
I stayed home when they go out
Because I can't bare to see sunlight

But I will not become darkness
My past has no bearing on my future
Because I have also seen light
And it is good
Illuminating
But mostly just good

When your world crumbles apart—
And you're dragged back to the start—

     Hold on.

When all your candles have died—
And all your teachers have lied—

     Hold on.

When your heart gives away—
And your bones turn to clay—

      Hold on.

Hold on to the seams that bind you—
Hold on to what you know to be true—

Hold on to the ones you love---
And know that that will be enough---

      Hold on tightly
      and never let go—

      Hold on tightly
      until you finally know—

Hold on.