the last time we ate together
we ate at a diner
i had eggs benedict
you had mozzarella sticks
it was four in the morning
and we didn't care about anything
but each other and our stomachs
it was sad
because i would be leaving you
and there was nothing i could do
but for that hour we spent
the world seemed perfect
even though it was crashing down
all around us
and there was nothing we could do

I've fallen into an inevitable black hole;
One of my own divine creation,
With streaks of light blue acrylic paint
And rusty guitar strings that sing
8 bar blues in the dark.

I've envisioned a palace of my own,
Tall, white walls
Decorated with Italian paintings and some of our own,
The light creating shapes on the carpet.

I've found a familiar sense of home
Somewhere inside the pit of your chest
Next to the rhythmic beat
Of my favourite song on repeat

From cardboard walls of colour-struck emotional discomfort,
Formed a sense of urgency
Between interlaced fingers and spines

I've come to find that I misplaced myself somewhere there
Perhaps beneath the gloomy chair in which you sat
Or in the fine laced stitches, burning blue onto the surface of our skin

I've inhaled the smoke of a thousand burning thoughts
All of which never cease to return from the dead
Much the same as my grieving eyes
Who do not seek to forget the freckles on your back
Or the creases on your stomach

I've given infinite love to a murderer
One who does not seek to return it
And after years of chasing oblivion
I am now aware of what it feels like
To be an undesired second.

i felt those blue, indignant eyes
burn into my skin
contrition tore my body apart

i would capture a galaxy
and let it burn through the palms of my hands
to abate this torment
i caused

left in a tumultuous state
clawing at giprock
dancing in the
paint chip rain

two years gone
slowly crawled
through concrete walls
and dim lit rooms

misplaced elation
i can recall
all the parts of the brain
and what they're called

but i can't seem to remember
the day mine malfunctioned
and ****** me
over