Won't you come and raise a glass
to faded faces from the past
to those we've loved no longer here
so missed around this time of year

Here's to the smile we'll never see
outside of hazy memory,
the echo of now precious laughs
ring out from faded photographs.

Here's to the memories I now hold
the lives I've loved, the stories told,
and the sometime tear that falls astray
for those I've lost along the way.

I'm digging a hole deep and wide
I'll bury my love for you inside
then I'll fill it in, right to the top
and stamp it down, in hope to stop
these feelings that stumble from my core
and silence them forever more.

I'm building a wall as high as I might
behind it I'll hide my heart and my light
some stones once removed, now back, standing tall
they'll keep me within and forbid me to fall.

I'll paint on my smile, cherry red beaming wide
I'll laugh when expected, though empty inside
I'll move through this life like I haven't a care
but if you look closely
You'll see I'm not there.

Could you love me
if I let you
If I dropped my guard
at your feet once more
would you hand it back
or stand triumphant in it's wreckage.
If I offered myself to you
Would we litter the floor with our rags
hastily unwrapping eachother
with the delight of Christmas morning
discarding sweaters and shame
caution lost to the biting winds
that have always whispered our names
as our lovers slept unknowing
that we were never truly theirs.
Would you lay me down before you
Stretched out and yearning
and marvel at how your touch
has brought me back to life
while our kisses bring warmth
to hidden places
would you press your soul deeply into mine
while our bodies merge and meld
as fate intended
the weight of you a boundless comfort never felt
All I have ever wanted, in every aching moment
Is this.

You little ball of golden fur
with eyes that sparkled bright
may dandelions fill your path 
as you leave here this night.
You filled my daughter's heart with joy
and laughter everyday
Your cage it sits abandoned now
on this her saddest day
So bless you sweetest little pig
as moonlight guides your way
Sad tears have fallen, true of heart
on this your dying day.

Horizons traced with trembling hands
breathe darkest depths aglow
bring pinkest rose to scarlet hues
all innocence be thrown
dew forming now on swollen bud
sweet nectar old as time
as shaking limbs cry out in bliss
to you, sweet love of mine.

Or....


Rut me, **** me, kiss me, **** me
take me on all fours
throw my back against the wall
then roll me on the floor
Abuse me, use me, wear me out
and make me scream your name
then have a swig of bedside beer
and do it all again.

Play me a tune with the bluest of notes
Sing me the words in your heart
Bring me to tears with the lilt in your voice
bury me deep in your art.

'Neath a blanket of stars with your sad guitar
Courting the moon in her prime
the simplest of gifts you bestow to her glow
A kiss in D minor, sublime.

Since I was an innocent
I've been a ***** and proud
each album loved, each song adored
and all played way too loud.

I lost my heart in Candy's Room,
while the dogs on main street howled,
I searched for love in darkness
out on the edge of town.

First love flowed with The River
to seal the Ties That Bind
our Two Hearts watched love Fade Away
as Mary softly cried.

These songs they are my heartbeat
and many more besides.
I thank you for providing
the soundtrack to my life.

My heart it beats through lonely days
my head it heeds no warning
For I have loved you many ways
from dusk til waking morning.
The clock it marks my numbered days
each tick a token tear
My heart is held within your gaze
Why don't you see me here?

Too long have I suffered silently
within a silken chrysalis of deceit
Today I rise in bejeweled glory
soaring above all that has rendered harm.
Above the black I glide in colour
my truest form revealed.
Such joy unbound has come to pass
My heart sings at its revelation!
"I am more!" I cry to a thousand singing echoes
"This world is mine and life, it's best reward!"

Thunder roars, flashes of white-lit skin appear then dissipate as chaos takes form.

Heavy raindrops cool our searing skin but not our heat. We are existence, we are all that lives and breathes within this moment.
Will you take my confession as I take to my knees? begging to be cleansed, aching to be whole and not wanting.

Will you take my sacrament with your liars tongue, let it linger as I pour and plead unto the raging heavens for forgiveness.
Take my empty vessel and fill it with your longing, too long have I walked in shadow, my edges blurred by shifting darkness and sweet liquor warmth.

Bring me to life, if only in this moment. Fear me, as I fear the shattering of all that I touch and we shall rage amidst the fury, at what is and what can never be.

And if these words should touch your heart
when dance they will past jaded eyes,
weave subtle smiles as tears depart,
from broken hearts and pretty lies.

And if my song it moves your soul
to dance in rhythm to it's beat
then I will sing until you're whole
and darkest fears admit defeat.

Then I will know I've played my part
in bringing light to fractured shore
and I will keep your hand in mine
until the darkness leaves your door.

My friend the Smurf is sometimes blue
From holding breath for an hour or two
Please let it out and breathe once more
Lest you be passed out on the floor!

I say breathe out and love you'll find
You're strong of heart and pure of mind,
in youth and beauty you reside
as love stands firmly by your side.

So now I write these words so true,
sent out from my own heart to you
my aged muscles have all but carked it
I cannot lift you off the carpet!

They sing God save the King
and the pride that it brings
always puffs out their beer barrel chests,
see them posture and sneer
causing hatred and fear
with their slogans and Wife Beater vests.

"Rule Britannia" they shout
"Get the brown people out
'cause they're just not the same as we are,
they're taking our jobs,
and I've heard they eat dogs
That Woke lot have all gone too far!"

"We need to be free of all Muslims you see,
cause they're bringing in Shakira law,
all these fighting age men that the lefties let in
will behead you outside your front door"

"They're not fleeing war zones,
they have Nikes and Iphones,
they risk death to leave France, it's bizarre!
Now they've come over here
and the reason is clear
it's the benefits, housing and Car"

They sing God save The King
and the "pride" that it brings
leaves the rest of our Nation ashamed.
With hands clutched to their chest
and the flag they love best
they'll destroy what once made Britain Great.

Take flight upon the wistful breeze
mourn not the loss of mortal shell
let go of all with quiet ease
for those who loved you loved you well.

Then we shall sing a prayer for thee
a light to guide in passing peace
that you may rest forever free
as morning brings your souls release.

Dance with abandon before those who dare not see your soul. Let your sweetest song carry upon their waves of disdain. 

Take their envy, their bitterness and make it your strength, use it to stand fiercely against the harsh winds of their contempt. 

For you alone guide your dreams.

Be the light in darkness,  an outstretched hand, a weaver of wondrous desires. 
Be a friend, a shoulder, a lover, a shelter, a storm.

Be you and someday the world will rejoice at your smile.

They tell me I'm bipolar
I'm not sure what that means
other than my life is ruled
by council run care teams
They tell me to stop cutting 
They tell me not to jump
I'm quite surprised they don't take notes
each time I take a dump
They worry I'm too happy
then panic when I'm low
at this point my emotions
have nowhere else to go.

They say I'm schizophrenic
and part of me agrees
The other part is not so sure
and screams at all she sees
They say I'm not "engaging"
as I sit here on my bed
but engaging isn't easy
with these voices in my head.
so they fill me with their poison
in many coloured pills
Some to cure the side effects
but none to cure my ills.


I am not a list of symptoms
I'm a person brave and true
but life dealt me it's harsher cards
so now I'm muddling through
I wish you'd seen me better
before all this took hold
I wish you'd heard my laughter
when I was free and bold
Most of all I wish you wouldn't judge as you walk by
or give me sympathetic looks with deep well meaning sighs.

In the end we're all just people
struggling on this mortal coil
some bury feelings deeply
while some bring them to the boil.
The moral to this poem,
for I know this much is true
all walks of life have lingered here
Someday "I" might be " you".

I think about the times you used to tell me pretty lies
Like my illness didn't bore you and my thighs were the right size
and I loved you just for knowing all the things that I denied
and we talked about forever, like those songs that we despise

Now I sit with ghosts in empty rooms just asking myself why
all my rainy day tomorrows are the colour of your eyes,
and I'm drinking down this liquor just to get me through the day
It doesn't bring you back but it sure helps keep me at bay.

You used to bring your beast to breakfast
but it wouldn't make a sound,
I used to hide inside and treat my demons to another round,
but the corridors between us made the silence seem too loud
we could have made it through but we were just too ******* proud.

So I'll talk about my trauma
cause it lets me say your name
I've tried to conjure you with self harm
But the scars don't feel the same,
Well I guess I'll have to wear them
cause they cover up my shame,
the truth sits pointing fingers
but no one will take the blame.

To all the times I held you
To all the times I cried
To all the times you hurt me
To all the times you lied
To all the times you screamed my name 
and the times I screamed yours back
To every bruise you gave me 
and for every bone you cracked.


To every name you called me
as your blows rained from above
To the corner that I cowered in
as you dealt out your "love"
To your friends that saw the battle scars and quickly turned away
To the drink that made you do it
even on your sober days.


I raise this glass to you my love
in thanks for all you've done
it took a while but now I see
that you're the damaged one
So when you're feeling lonely
Don't spare a thought for me
I cower there no longer
Your anger set me free.

The whispers of madness now leach through the walls
and darkness it draws ever near
buried in sorrow, hope faded away
and left only anger and fear.

I do not fear death everlasting
nor the weight of a judgement long due.
What I fear is the monster I harbour
as I'm slowly but surely consumed.

We grew, wild and ragged
in leaf dappled sunbeams
our roots entwined in woodland dens
alive with whispers of secrets shared
and learners kisses.

Summer stretched cat-slow before us
as cool morning dew
lay it's bounty at shoeless feet
and bluebells bowed in reverence
to the dawning of the day.

Winding brooks sang of freedom
as all of nature harmonised
the melody lifting and lilting
to soothe the jealous moon.

How fortunate we were
to thrive at nature's breast
nestled warmly within her constant heart
wrapped safely in her many shades.

Settle here with me a while
with cup of tea and morning smile
let sunlight bathe our waking skin
and listen as the day begins

The birds they sing of gloried morn
while sleepy kittens stretch and yawn
as chiffon clouds go floating by
suspended in an azure sky

Then face the world with all it's trials
my hand in yours,your heart in mine
and go with doubtless courage true
for I am always here with you.

All alone and feeling free
nothing here to bother me,
blue as far as I can see
being all that I can be.

Walking barefoot on the ground,
not another soul around
a sense of peace is to be found
when the joys of Spring abound!

Away, away
'til our souls embark on twilight's dreaming
to dance with the cunning dark.

I wish I had known you
before darkness came,
as the girl who danced freely
barefoot in the rain
but all of my sorrows
have wrapped me too tight
and left me at mercy
to the perilous night.

I wish I had known you
when my eyes were of fire,
all lit up with youth
and boundless desire
but that girl is now broken
held together by fear
and wonders if someday
She'll just disappear.

I wish I had known you
before fading to grey,
my hair like the autumn
my smile on display.
But my smile is an echo
that stirs in my soul
I wish that I'd known you
back when I was whole.

If you were just a wish away
I'd call on every star
to bring you back from where you rest
to heal this broken heart.

If time were but a circumstance
It's whim not our demise
I'd stop the clocks to mark the time
I first looked in your eyes.

My wishes dim the starlit sky
'till dark are all my hours,
in knowing I will never find
A finer love than ours.

For sale, one heart.

In basic working order.
The exterior shows many failed attempts at repair.
The interior, hollow.

Many previous owners.
Sold for use as scrap or parts.
Any bids considered.

Pick up only, as fragile.

**** this loathsome feeling of reaching out and finding only air. The lack of you echoes within, fracturing bone and tearing at sinew, vibrating through my being.
Lightly salted cheeks no longer blush at your mention, instead they wait under eyes filled with remorse for the lightest brush of your lips.
You told me I was beautiful once, said that you could spend weeks within the green of my eyes, months nestled at the small of my back, then laughed as my eyes rolled, closely followed by an expletive sigh.
We sat with the top down as the storm roared, you watched the mists roll off the mountain, as I watched droplets settle on your chest and envied their proximity to your heart.
Hours spent just being.
That was us, before the war.

The time has come for me to go
the truth has been made clear
within the writing on the wall
I do not belong here.

I've hidden here in shadows dim
not reaching for the light
my heart will cast no shadow now
as broken wings take flight

But rest assured that you are loved
within me you will stay
with heavy heart I leave you now
on this my dying day.

Beneath the grey I wait,
seagulls scream at the coming fury
in attempt to shake it's resolve.
Wind rises, then stutters
as heavy stillness overcomes.
Silence now, as windows close
and the earth holds it's breath.
A single drop, heavy, crystalline,
leads the crescendo
as the Symphony begins.

Let's love a while beneath the trees
Our bodies cooled by summer breeze
let inhibitions turn to dust
our hearts aflame with molten lust

Place kisses on white linen skin
embrace this moment, breathe me in
pray silently as we begin
for you will be my only sin

Come to me now with lovers fire
and be my only true desire
as passion opens bounties fair
laid out before you, quaking, bare.

Then enter slowly, if you will
as though all time is standing still
when morning rises, say my name
For we will not be here again.

Sunsets the hue of broken hearts
Cast shadows on my silent tears
how can a love lie down and die
when nurtured for so many years
The bell it tolls as darkness falls
its solemn tone beguiling
a final death knell on our hearts
that once were bold and shining.
When morning comes we'll wake once more
to maintain the charade
and hope to gather up again
the love that we betrayed.

Pearl Jam**

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All of five horizons revolved around her soul as the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

and all I taught her was everything
I know she gave me all that she was

And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside, I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head, I'm spinning, oh,
I'm spinning
how quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see
all that I am, all I'll be.

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky,
But why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?

There is nothing to fear in the darkness
There is nothing to fear from the dead
This evening these words are my mantra
As I climb up the stairs to my bed.

I wont spend the night jumping at shadows,
that floorboard just creaked cause its old.
That wasn’t a sigh in the darkness
belonging to long tortured souls.

Im sure I just saw someone moving,
something lurks over there in the gloom,
just waiting for me to get sleepy
before dragging me back to its tomb.

Was that just a noise from the closet?
Or was it from under the bed?
Im pretty sure it was a monster!
Or maybe its all in my head.

Now a grown up should really know better
and I chastise myself with much scorn
still, I'll bury my head 'neath the covers
and refuse to peep out until dawn.

I have loved you
Though you are not mine to love
For this I remain
Unapologetic.

I'll sing of all the ways I miss you
and how this sorrow came to be
the verses, lies I should have whispered
the chorus, truths in harmony.

The melody will break the silence
and call your broken heart to me
to be repaired by love unyielding
to broken hymns in minor key.

This evening I take to the stage
to stand behind the Mic
to read my bits of poetry,
the thought fills me with fright.

My nerves now wrapped in butterflies
My tongue is neatly tied
My knees now knock with terror
and my voice is in a vice,
the thought fills me with horror
as my blood turns into ice.

My sweaty palms are shaking
my book is firmly grasped
as I practise reading clearly
not too slowly, not too fast.

I love to write my poems,
like to read them in my head
but tonight I'll stand behind the Mic
and read for you instead.

We sit
While unspoken words
form scar tissue
On our bitter tongues

He keeps her heart locked in a cage
to which he lost the key
he keeps his own heart filled with rage
for all the world to see.

Did you see me in the rainbow
Did you feel me in the sun
Did you hear me in the swallows call
When all your chores were done.
Did you hear me in the laughing brook
or the changing of the tide
For I am always here my love,
forever by your side.

Hear my name as grasses whisper
gently stirred by summers breeze,
as the skylark sings my love for you
above the rustling trees.
Here I dance in your hearts meadow,
daisy chains set in my hair,
If ever you're in need of me
you'll find me waiting there.

I stared up at the mountain
she didn't notice me
this speck of insignificance
with tattered hopes and dreams.

I wondered at her beauty
She didn't notice mine
in silence we both stood there
as her colours marked the time.

In spring she's draped in emerald,
through summer purple hues,
with autumn come the russets
'neath a sky of palest blue.

Winter comes and how she shines
beneath the starlit night!
Embroidered with some evergreen
her robes of ****** white.

I stared up at the mountain
for countless hours, alone
and there, within her shadow
I found comfort, I found home.

When you leave, go without a whisper,
as though you were never here. 
Do not leave tear stains on my pillow or kiss my eyes and beg them not to cry.

Dissipate, let the thin air replace you. Leave no echo, no trace of your existence, 
no backward pity glance at what might have been, 

**** the drawn out goodbye, the heartfelt speech, the apologies for the inevitable.

It's not you it's me.....It's always me.

Let the truth hang  above my broken form, swaying as the ceiling creaks under its bitter weight. I will dance to it's rhythm soon enough.

Then cease.

Will you need my love as evening falls
and all the stars are mine
We'll welcome in the harvest moon
with a kiss of cherry wine.

Will  you need my love as passing time
turns everything to dust
We'll dance until we know no end
Among these leaves of rust

For I will need you constantly
My sweet unending friend
and I will walk the earth with you
until it's very end.

Always choose words wisely
as they can do such harm
use them not to wound or hurt
belittle or disarm
for confidence is fragile
it masks the truer self
that child inside wrapped tight in scars
that dare not love itself.

The tree is decked with tinsel
the house is full of light
we sit around the fire
on this holiest of nights.

We sing our hallelujah's
praise the little baby born
then wonder at the magic
of another Christmas morn

The table's overflowing
the champagne sparkles bright
the gifts have all been opened
and there's not a tear in sight

We open all our presents
laid out for all to see
under the glittering branches
of a laden Christmas tree.

Then with some wine we snuggle down
our spirits filled with cheer
and raise a glass to absent friends
so missed this time of year

And when the day draws to a close
Its plain for all to see,
The greatest Christmas gift of all
Is love and family.

Sometimes.
when sat.
waiting.
If I listen closely.
I hear.
between ticks.
their mocking.
of my longing.
to be free.

Dark branches dance against an aluminium sky
as dusk taints the edges with blue.
The last crow warns of death as it passes,
it's cry echoing along the shoeless streets
and down to the brook where once laughter played.
Storm clouds gather in furious array
shaking thunderous fists at the earth below,
their forked tongues tearing the atmosphere
as the first droplets spew forth from their ragged mouths.

I need to break the cycle
shake the sadness, smite the gloom,
while all my signs are vital
and before I reach my tomb.

I need to laugh in rainstorms,
breath in the finest smoke
and drown in sweet tequila
among sweet good humoured folk.

I need to blast some Springsteen
get some clothes on, get a grip,
because frankly all this maudlin crap
is making me feel sick.

I need to scream in forests,
get my bare *** in a lake
let the water freeze my **** off
then go home for tea and cake.

I cannot bear this sadness
leaching out from every pore
so I'll work my way right through this list
and then I'll scream....
ENCORE!!!!!

Weary eyed disappointment shines through the blue
in an attempt to quell my spirit.
6 weeks between us, yet you are as old as time.

I am not sorry for your frustration,
it stirs my ***** to see your distress
at my half-smile.

I offered you warning, long before gold was shared.
I told you I'd be hard to hold,
spelled out my weakness,
held aloft all flaws.

Still you lept at my flame,
seeking to contain it within your covetous palm,
to mold me with your priceless wisdom,
your righteous idea of who I could be,
should be....would be.

A me without a trace of self is your desire.
A shell filled with your vision of perfection.

A stay at home
Lay at home wife.

Last night you said that you had made me a better person,
while I sat and wondered at your breathing
in the hope that it would stop.

Do not take my silence as compliance.

Could you love a poetess
Who hangs on every word
and scribbles down the nuances
of all she's ever heard

Could you love a poetess
Who stumbles into black
then begs you for a candle
to guide her slowly back

Could you love a poetess
if someone clipped her wings
and wonder at her silence
when she no longer sings

Could you love this poetess
with all her broken parts
For she could love so fiercely
should someone touch her heart.

Whispers surround me
my name murmured
in a thousand dialects
though I am alone.
Blue sky thinking
black sky despair,
unpleasant bedfellows
for a corpse.
Hope lies steadily,
her icy depths temptation,
her followers below
glad eyed and grinning.
I am loss eternal
I do not beckon to the light,
I only live within the black
of my heathen creation.