Why can"t anybody love me?

I close my eyes, letting my body succumb to glorious sleep.
My mind wandered.. always making its way to you.
I subconsciously smiled, the way I do when I think of you.
Your face appeared in my mind and I began to dream..

I was dressed in a green floor length ball gown,
With pairs of dancers all around me,
I grin up at my partner, a faceless man.
When the song ends, I slowly clap for the ensemble.

I glance down at the pearl colored dance card tied to my wrist.
A slow smile comes to my face,
I realize my next two dances belong to you.

As you make your way to me,
My eyes appreciate the suit that you're wearing,
Perfectly tailored to your lean and tall body.

You bow, I curtsy.
The Maestro cues the ensemble.
As a simple three step waltz begins,
You take my hand,
and I wrap my other one around your shoulder.
Your other hand gently holds my waist.
We dance, gracefully taking command of the dance floor.

One dance ends and another starts,
As you keep your hold on me,
I'm reminded that this dance belongs to you as well.
I glance at my dance card again
And I notice that my next dance belongs
To someone I'd rather not dance with..
The same man that my father wants me to marry.

You look flustered You say, taking in my slight blush.
I am. After this dance, will you accompany me to the refreshment table? I ask, looking into your light brown eyes.
Anything, my lady. You say and my next breath seems to disappear.

The dance sadly comes to an end,
And we both clap for the orchestra.
You hold you arm out for my arm and I grasp your elbow.
A man comes up to us,
Sir Daniel and Lady Emily. He greets us.
My Lady, Did you forget that this next dance belongs to me?
He asks of me, I slowly smile at him.
Sir Caleb, I did not forget but I am feeling flustered so Sir Daniel has offered to accompany me to the refreshment table. I stated as gently as I could.
But what about our dance, My Lady? He questioned, glancing at Sir Daniel.
As soon as I feel better, I am yours to take to the dance floor, I'll even dance two with you. I state, and quickly regret my words.
Wonderful, My Lady he said and bowed, took my hand and kissed my palm, I look forward to it.
I felt you stiffen next to me as Sir Caleb kissed my palm.
Come, My Lady, and lets get you some wine. You stated.
I grasped your elbow once again and led me to the buffet.
You walked toward it and the servant poured two glasses of white wine.
You handed me one of them,
How is it possible that you look more flustered than you did a few minutes ago? You ask me.
You know why. I stated. I glanced up at you, you smiled.
Yes, I do, Would you like to get some fresh air. You said with a double meaning in your words.
Your eyes search mine, wishing, wanting me to say yes.
Gladly. I think the fresh air will do me good, especially now.
I state, earning a smile from you.

You offer me your arm and I grasp it.
You lead me toward the double doors,
That lead out to the Balcony and gardens.
A butler opens one for us, and you gesture for me to walk through.
I walk toward the end of the balcony and breath in the cool crisp air.
You follow me, and stop a little short of where I'm standing.
Tell me, My Lady, What's troubling you so? You ask me.

I turn to face you and sadly smile,
Sir Caleb, the gentlemen that was next on my dance card; Is the man that my Father wants me to marry.
You walk toward me, Have you tried to reason with him? Told him how you feel?
I laughed. Reason isn't a part of my father's vocabulary. Believe me, I've tried, But Sir Caleb is a business partner that my father wants to add on to his company. It's never a matter of love for him.
You sadly smiled and said, What about your parents? They are clearly in love. Wouldn't your mother be in object to this?
No, actually. My Mother was a product of an arranged marriage too, She just fell in love eventually.
Oh, But I won't fall in love with Sir Caleb, I cant! I cry.
Come with me, I don't want to attract any more attention. You whisper in my ear, and you lead me down to the steps that lead down to the garden and to a bench, far enough away from the party still inside.

Now tell me, mademoiselle, Why you simply cannot marry, this Caleb? He seeming alright when I met him in the ballroom.
I though about the question You just asked.
How do I go about answering that?
I..I just know I cant. For...
For what? You urged.
For I'm in love with someone else. I said, panicking.  
You stiffen again, beside me.
Well, whoever it is, I swear, they better treat you right, Or they will regret it.  
You said those words with such conviction, that my heart welled up with even more love than I thought humanly possible.
That would a little bit strange I said, knowing that I couldn't turn back now.
I reached for your hand and grasped it.
You looked down at our intertwined hands and glance at me
Your eyes search mine as you slowly fit the pieces together.
You open your mouth to say something and change your mind and close it again.
You eyes continue to search mine while your other hand reaches up to grasp my cheek.
My dear Emily, I've dreamed of this day, where I could finally hold you.
Daniel, so have I.
And with that confession, you slanted your lips on mine. I reached up with my other hand and ran it through your brown hair.
I closed my eyes as the joy of kissing you runs down my body.
Your hand grazes my cheek, and slowly moves down to my neck. you grasp my neck as if you never want to end the kiss.
We pull apart only because we need to breath.
If we hadn't needed to breath, we would have never stopped.
I look at you, Your breathing hard, just like I am.
I pull you back toward me, this time it's me controlling the kiss.
Although, You fight me for dominance.
I know I should have thought of the possibility of being caught, of being thrown out of society.
But the only thought that was in my mind, was that I'm finally kissing you , and that know that I have You, I'm not letting you go.
You move your hand down to my waist and I untwine our hands to move mine to your neck and my other one down your broad chest.
You moan and hold me tighter to you.
You bite my lip and I gasp, allowing you to slip your tongue in my mouth, and if I thought that that kissing you was pleasure enough the feeling of your tongue on mine, was exhilarating.
Your hand starts to make swirls on my lower back and the pure sensation of it all is more than I can handle.
I regretfully pulled away.
You look down at me and smile.
Your lips are swollen, but why'd you pull back?
Because if I didn't we wouldn't have been able to stop, and you might have needed to marry me to protect my reputation. I smiled.
That wouldn't have been a problem
Those words hit me at my core and I swear my heart stopped beating.
Does that mean that you feel the same way I do? That I'm not dreaming this?
If anything,  My Emily, I love you more than the heart possible can.
And I love you to the moon and back, from infinity and beyond.
You kissed me again.

And with that, I woke up. My alarm clock blaring in my ear.
I groan, wanting to return to dreamland, where you'd finally be mine.
But, alas, I must enter reality where I must go back to simply being your shadow and being invisible.
I sigh, and close my eyes allowing myself a few more minutes in dreamland.

Music speaks besides the obvious words.
Music tells us it's okay to be different.
Music tells us don't let that boy hurt you
anymore.
Music tells us things we don't want to hear,
but we need to.
It'll tell you what some people are too
afraid to tell you.
Music blocks out the noise & pain we feel.
That's why we connect to music so much.