Your heart is going to love who it loves
And your mind isn't going to be able to tell it not to
I don't know why you're so judgemental
When you yourself are always saying "only God can judge you"

But, you're right about that.

If he's up there, he's the only one that can judge us
If he's up there, he's the only one that's seen it all
If he's up there, he's the only one who knows our hearts
If he's up there, he's the only one who can soften our fall

So shake your hypocritical hips at someone else's party
Because I'm just trying to have a good time
I'm smart and I'm capable and I can think for myself
And the only opinion that matters is mine

How could you really be gone?
And how is this fair at all?
Seems like the days just continue dragging on
But I can't seem to understand the fall

I mean, YOU FELL?

How could you have fallen???
How did no one hear you yell?
You didn't die from old age,
You didn't die from being unwell

You died???
Someone tell me, how could you be dead?
My mouth can't say the words out loud
It's hard to think them in my head

You're not here anymore?
You're really not coming back?
I'm shaking as I type the words
But it's true, you've faded into black

I have nightmares that I can't wake up from
They leave me sobbing, hyperventilating, feeling numb
Sometimes you're in them, other times not
But you're never not there because I forgot
I think, at times, it might be easier if I could forget
If I could pretend that you were someone that I never met
But I can't do that.
So I just try to think about good things
And I try to believe that you're somewhere good
And even though I'm living in this nightmare that I can't wake up from
God, I really wish I could

We never turn the light off
It's like we're expecting you to walk in the door any minute
You won't.
But somehow it helps
If we turn it off,
We would have to accept that you're really gone
We can't.
So we don't
Hope is found where the light is
Even though there is no hope,
Even though we've put you to rest,
Even though you aren't coming back,
We're all just looking for something to hold onto
It's false hope
I know.
But it's all we've got

Sometimes I overhear you talking about your childhood
I've always understood that it wasn't much of one
And mom always tells me there are
Things that I don't know
Things that broke you
Things that made you unfixable
I heard you say that your dad liked to put his hands on you
Well you like to threaten to put your hands on us sometimes
I heard you say that their words were cruel
Well you like to call us names sometimes
I heard you say they treated you like ****
Well you like to treat us like **** sometimes
It's like, you can't even see it
You're so ****** up that you don't see it at all
You are just like them sometimes
And sometimes is always too much