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  Jul 2018 Blake
Keerthi Kishor
When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.
"Pistanthrophobia is just not everyone's cup of tea."
Blake Jul 2018
Empty shell
Lively bells
Depression is my personal hell
Overflow thoughts
I am not
The girl that you originally sought
The bridge between
You and me
Is wider now than it’s ever been
You’re full of life
I hold a knife
Where I bleed is where you thrive
I want to die
Instead I cry
You worry I refuse to try
Soon I do
Then you do too
Now tonight I watch over you.
Blake Jul 2018
He had his tongue in my mouth
I was new to this and went along with it
He layed me down
I thought about my classmate in the front seat
He moved his hands up too high
I didn’t want to cause any drama
He put his hands under my shirt
I silently tried to push them away
He was stronger than me
I kept pushing his hands away
He felt me up anyways
I faked like I didn’t mind, while I smiled, tried to gently push him away,
He stopped and said “please”
I was silent
At one point he also tried to put his hand down my jeans
I pushed back harder than I’d done the first time.
The classmate in the front took a video
I looked like I was enjoying myself
I wasn’t
My friends saw it
I felt sick
People got mad at me for denying that I enjoyed it
I wanted to cry
My best friend didn’t believe me when I told him I was violated
I remembered when he said he’d protect me

Why didn’t you say no?
I was in shock
Why didn’t you get out of the car?
He was on top of me
He said “please” why didn’t you say No?
I was scared of making him mad.
Why didn’t you tell anyone?
I didn’t want them to know
Why didn’t you press charges?
I just wanted the whole thing to go away
Why did you pretend you were enjoying it if you weren’t?
I was scared, in shock, I wasn’t thinking clearly, maybe I thought it was safer than him doing it by force.

Why can’-
I don’t need to answer your questions
I was violated
I don’t care if you agree or not
Please
Stop making me relive it
Blake Jul 2018
Poems don’t always rhyme,
This ones a fine example,
For some are more a story then poetry
And that’s what this has become
A story
Or more
An observation
From me
See
I know this great guy
I have these great friends
I think I’ve found my identity
The world is starting to make a little bit of sense
My life was at a low point
The lowest of lows
And depression became my friend
More of an ally then actual allies
But now
My life is getting better
My family is still broken
But I’m learning to accept that
And move past it
I’m learning how to get through life
And I’m happy
I’m happy
Most of the time
I’m happy
Some of the time
No
I’m not happy
I could be
I should be
Once in a while
I am
When I’m with him
I smile
For the most part
I feel whole
And yet
As we stood up on top of that
Tall, steep, rocky hill
As I held his hand
As he looked at me
As he told me he kept thinking about me
All I could think about
Was how badly I wanted to jump
It’s not over yet
It’s never

the fight to want to be alive

Will never end
Some poems rhyme
But some are just stories
When will mine end?

— The End —