she was different, so he liked her. he wasn't by any means ordinary so she grew on him. he loved her with every breath he took, even down to his last...and she knew it.he can never really have her, the love that is, another possessed it.so he protected her without acknowledgment she didn't even know he was there. he watched her for nothing in return. her living was more than enough. her memory would just break him if she wasn't here. But the day came... When her and the one she love past... He broke. You he fell just like the girl he loved. No matter the protection, safeguard he tried... It was going to happen. Not a day goes by he doesn't think about her. Her memory is all he's got, till that fades with age and death. He won't, couldn't love another, like he did for her. Thought about her often and with her memory came happiness... For the time when he could hold her when they were young. Play like children and laugh together. Every time the memory ends the same way, one tear, a wipe of the hand, breathe in, out, and keep moving forward. He looks happy, beautiful, because he lived with love, although he couldn't hold her, he loved her. That's what matters to him that's all he needed to live.

As I drown in a sea of *****, I reach for love with every breath. But when I had love I missed the woman and awkward mornings, I crave so very much. The grass was greener but after I stopped giving it the emotions and fuel to be green it died like the relationship I got out of. I want what I cant have. We are so tech prone I can get a girl like I can get pizza... one call and 15 mins later I have some hot piece at my door ready... without any effort.  Why try? Why do dates, hold hands, love? When I can feel all those emotions in one night cuddle if need be and not worry about fights or drama... but I still seem empty inside... am I really my own worst enemy? Is my Achilles heel inside? My heart, only touched by ones I can barely choose to let close? Or is it all just noise.

at what point do I stop pretending to be Batman, like everyone wants, And I start living my real life as the joker and find my harley quinn? To love me as I am, strange, fearful, unpredictable. Not as a false idol, everything society sees me to be, what you love me to be.

heavy thoughts bounce and hit memories of you colliding into happy thoughts ricocheting to bad memories. For a split second I think im happy. Right where I need to be with you. reality tells me that I'm still stuck, you're not here, you're with him, I'm still nobody.
just here with my heavy thoughts..of you. Bouncing about wishing, wanting to tease the salt from your lips one last time as we roll around on your couch like teenagers in a basement. The young blood pumping, rushing hormones fueling sinful desires, we could get caught at any moment by your folks. Then I snap out of it, calm myself down and think, at least it happened once upon a sweet time... go be happy with him, this is how it was ment to be I guess.